Sassistas! Our dish on the social soup.

Iceland

Yesterday, after the Big Dig at Matissta's house, she said:  "You have to come upstairs and look at something.  I've never seen anything like it." She opened the curtains on the window at the landing at the top of her stairs and revealed these images.

I have icicles at my house, but not like these.  They are breathtaking, and I love how we weren't thinking about the snow or the impending new storm when we looked at them.

Anyhoo -- I think they deserve a caption, don't you?  Or at last a clever theory of why they have appeared on Matissta's house.  We didn't see them on any other house in her court, and when I walked home, I didn't see them on any other house I passed.

So what's the story?  Why Iceland at Matissta's?

The New Boss

It was the best ESTROFEST ever, thanks to a great game, a great half-time show, great company, great chili, great commentary sassistas -- Chryso and babysis -- and most of all, a great hostess in Jerseysista! 

Kudsass all around!

Pictured above is "The New Boss" who "Won't Get Fooled Again" -- Drew Brees, the Super Bowl MVP who helped to pull his New Orleans Saints out of a 10-point, first-quarter deficit to defeat Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts, 31-17.  You da man.

"The Old Boss" -- alive and still kicking is The Who, who performed one of the best half-time shows that Flannista has ever seen at the Super Bowl.  Carrie Underwood, if guys in their sixties can hit all the right notes, why can't you?

Morning on-line commentary is giving the nod for Best Commercial to the 15-second spot for David Letterman, which was, very clever and very funny.  Those of us at ESTROFEST loved the "Snickers Satisfies" commercial with Betty White. You da woman.

We were all stunned at the blatant misogyny on display in commercials from Dodge Charger and some line of Dove toiletries for men.  Toilet is precisely where these ads belong.

Following are our commentary winners:

• MOCK HEROIC: The entire pre-game show.

• PATRIOTIC: The entire pre-game show.

• BLATANTLY SEXUAL: "If it's gonna be one on one, they try to go deep."

• ACCIDENTALLY SEXUAL:  "Reggie Bush"

• OBAMA IS A SOCIALIST:  Those chickens -- were they representing Denny's?

• WWJS:  "We've got an injured Saint."

• JUST PLAIN STUPID:  Tie between the Bud Light commercials and Dove for Men

• THAT HURTS MY FEELINGS:  The "Man's Last Stand" Dodge Charger commercial

• A POET AMONG US:  "And so, the snapper got to him."

• YOU BETCHA!  (What would Sarah Palin Say?):  Focus on the Family commercial (though tackling a woman worked better with Betty White)

• I DREAMED A DREAM (What Would Susan Boyle Sing?):  The Who Halftime Show

Please share your thoughts and memories of Super Bowl 44!  And thanks again for joining the fun!

Estrofest 2010!

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN, SASSOSPHERE!  The Sixth Annual Estrofest -- Super Bowl for Women!  If we can get Flann's car dug out of the snow, and Jersey has a place to park it, ESTROFEST 2010 is on!

As in previous years, following are the "Best Of" Super Bowl commentary categories -- anything anyone says over the airwaves beginning about 5 pm EST -- that fits brilliantly into these categories:

• MOCK HEROIC

• PATRIOTIC

• BLATANTLY SEXUAL

• ACCIDENTALLY SEXUAL

• OBAMA IS A SOCIALIST (This category replaces last year's YES WE CAN!)

• WHAT WOULD JESUS SAY?

• JUST PLAIN STUPID

• THAT HURTS MY FEELINGS

• A POET AMONG US (best metaphor and/or alliterative riff)

And this year's SURPRISE commentary categories:

• YOU BETCHA! (or WHAT WOULD SARAH PALIN SAY?)

• I DREAMED A DREAM (or WHAT WOULD SUSAN BOYLE SING?)

And don't for forget to submit your vote for BEST COMMERCIAL!

The sassosphere will be open throughout the pre-game, game and post-game festivities for you to send in your entries.  Please be certain to specify the commentary category when you make your entry. 

ALSO, SEND IN YOUR DRINK ORDERS, PLEASE!  Click here for a photo of the Sassistas! getting food supplies

And the most important thing -- who are the Sassistas! rooting for?  We're with Suzanne on this:

GO SAINTS!  We're marching with ya!

Snowmageddon

The Sassistas! neck of the woods, 6 A.M.

STAY TUNED FOR UPDATED PHOTOS!  18 INCHES SO FAR! 

8-10 MORE EXPECTED!

FLANN'S BACKYARD 7:03 A.M.

FLANN'S FRONT YARD 8:45 A.M.

FLANN'S WRITING ROOM WINDOW FROM THE INSIDE.

BLIZZARD WINDS!

POWER IS BACK ON!

IN FOREGROUND -- FLANN'S BBQ GRILL, 3:10 PM

Pipe Dreams

Twenty years ago today, I moved into the house I live in today.  It was my first home, meaning a place I purchased and could call my own. At the time, I never expected to still be here two decades later, but here I remain, house quirks and all. 

Pictured above is one of those quirks. My washer and dryer are in a small addition on the front of my home and during the winter, the water in the pipes beneath that unheated portion of the house freezes.  Every January and February, I unhook the cold and hot water hoses from the back of the washer, place them in a drainage pipe with a slow drip seeping through each one. It's a hassle because it means I can't do laundry at my house, so I've had to drag my laundry to laundromats, and during the past few years, to Matissta's house. This year, however, I decided to take my chances as the weather hasn't really dipped below 20 degrees.  Every morning, I've gotten up and made certain my washer water lines have been open.

This past Monday morning, the cold water line would not open.  It was frozen which meant I had to take up a floor panel, remove the space insulation, then the pipe insulation, wrap one portion of the pipe with a heating pad and sit with a hair dryer aimed at another portion of the pipe. While freezing my ass off waiting for frozen pipe to open, I saw myself in the frozen pipe, the exposed floor, and the house quirks.

I always dreamed that I would live in a somewhat larger house with a garage, small piece of land (maybe a half acre) and mailbox.  The house would not be huge -- perhaps 400 more square feet than the 840 I live in now -- but it would be made of stone and have a large picture window in the front, with a window seat.  When you walked through the front door, there would be a place to sit and take off your boots and hang your hat.  Then you would walk into one large, wide-open space.  Hidden in the walls would be Murphy beds, Murphy tables, folding chairs and pull-out cupboards, drawers, refrigerator and oven to cook and pull-out video system to listen to music and/or watch movies.  Also hidden would be movable panels to separate space when needed and upon which I could rotate art.  The permanent walls would be floor to ceiling bookcases, with one wall for photos of beloveds. Bottom line, my home would be adaptable and open-ended, ready to change.

Ironically, I am nothing like my dream home and more like my present one, with messy insulation and stubborn, seemingly unfixable quirks.  What's more, folks my age are now choosing to downsize their homes to live in small, quirky ones like mine. Recently, I shared my dream disappointments with Charlissta, who replied, "It sucks to grieve your dreams, especially when it appears that your dreams came true for others."

All to say, as I sat holding the hair dryer Monday morning, I thought a lot about pipe dreams.  They really can make your heart turn cold.  Grieving pipe dreams, however, somehow thaws your heart, ensuring it won't break.

Your heart hurts, but it's still open.

Armour Hot Dogs

Over the weekend, Carolyn shared that while feeding her beloved pup, Murphy, a hot dog one morning, she began to sing the Armour Hot Dog song and couldn't get it out of her head.  Remember that song?  Click here to listen and sing along:

Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs

What kind of kids eat Armour Hot dogs?

Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks

Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox

love hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs

The dogs kids love to bite!

Carolyn then said: "Is that the most politically incorrect advertising jingle you've EVER heard?  I mean, 'sissy kids' and 'fat kids' and 'kids with chicken pox'?  Would that ever make it past today's censors?"

The Sassistas! think Carolyn is asking a very good question. What do we need to change in this jingle to make it politically correct?  And while you're thinking about that, what product jingles are embedded in your head and heart from your childhood or even today?

iRag

One week ago, the Sassistas! waited with the rest of the world for the big announcement from Apple about its next breakthrough product.  We had read the breathless speculation about what it probably was: the Apple tablet or iTablet or Magic Slate or iSlate.  But when we learned the name of the new product, we knew immediately that no women had been involved in the naming of the product: iPad.  To give you an idea of what we mean, please take a minute to view the above video -- from THREE YEARS AGO.

An hour after the announcement, #iTampon was a trending topic on Twitter.  Like the rest of the female majority, the Sassistas! have some questions for Apple:

• Will the next version have wings?
• Can we only use it during certain times of the month?
• Will the 64GB be called the MaxiPad?

What questions do you have for Apple?  What's a better name for this product?  What would the name of this product have been if NO MEN had been involved in the naming of it?  Bottom line (so to speak), you going to buy one of these things?

Bye-Bye, Butterstick

This Thursday, after four years, six months and four weeks as the National Zoo's reigning prince of bears, Tai Shan, Washington's beloved giant panda will leave the place of his birth and head to China to enter a breeding program, according to a prior agreement with that country.

Frances Nguyen, founder of the local Tai Shan fan club said, in the Washington Post, "There has been a lot of emotion.  It's like sending your own child to college."  On the one hand, she said, devotees want him to grow and have offspring of his own. "Nobody wants to see him here by himself, and pacing." At the same time, she added, "a lot of us never thought he would leave."

Tai Shan's leaving will be particularly difficult for his principal keeper, Nicole Meese. According to the Washington Post:

She was present the morning he was born, held him a few weeks later, trained him, played with him, fed him and cleaned up after him.  She has watched him grow from a tiny, nearly hairless newborn into the lanky, precocious bear to whom she now must say goodbye.

She's been present for all four birthdays, for his first time outdoors -- "really neat to watch," she said -- and for his first time eating bamboo.

He knows her voice,she said, and her face, and responds to the hand signals she devised to help school him. She talks to him, calls him "cutie," and he bleats in reply.  Every day he makes me smile," she said.

Meese will accompany Tai Shan on his long flight to China, and it will be First Class all the way.  He will fly in a huge new airplane with his own logo on the side, only eight people on board, including his doctor, a member of the opposite sex right beside him and more than 50 pounds of his favorite food available "on demand" during the 14.5-hour flight.

The Sassistas! think Tai Shan and his beloved keeper ought to fly with our sentiments and thank you's.  Please share them today.  Fly high, Butterstick!

 

Polar Bear Plunge

This past Saturday marked the 14th Annual Maryland State Police Polar Bear Plunge.  Dubbed "The World's Largest Plunge," the event raised $3 million for Special Olympics Maryland.  Temperatures were in the mid to late teens during the afternoon of the event, with water temperatures at 35 degrees and winds at 13 mph.  On top of that, it was the first time in the event's history that it snowed.

Would you take this plunge to raise money for a worthy cause?  Also, can you think of some captions for the above photos?  Go ahead, get your feet wet.

The Family Name

If I could I would

Go down to winter with the drowsy she-bear,

Crawl with her under the hillside

And lie with her, cradled.  Like two souls

In a patchwork bed --

Two old sisters familiar to each other

As cups in a cupboard --

We would burrow into the yellow leaves

To shut out the sounds of the winter wind.

Deep in that place, among the roots

Of sumac, oak, and wintergreen,

We would remember the freedoms of summer,

And we would begin to breathe together --

Hesitant as singers in the wings --

A shy music,

Oh, a very soft song.

While pines cracked in the snow above,

And seeds froze in the ground, and rivers carried

a dark roof in their many blue arms,

We would sleep and dream.

We would wake and tell

How we longed for spring.

Smiles on our faces, limbs around each other,

We would turn and turn

Until we heard our lips in unison singing

The family name.

-- Mary Oliver, "Winter Sleep" from Twelve Moons

Posted in honor of PEACEsista and Dana on the day of Dana's ordination.