SHOULD I LET GO OF MY MOMENT OF JUSTICE?
I've been laying low for several reasons: parent stuff, work stuff, 15 straight days of rain and very little sun . . . and realizing that I must let go of wanting my moment of justice with that long-term (28 years) client/company that broke promises, and, well basically fucked me over. As one beloved put it: This feels like both a divorce and a death.
But, to paraphrase Hemingway, life fucks up all of us and we become stronger in the fucked-up places.
Last weekend, it became clear that the Orlando Sentinel was not going to publish my "Respect in the Workplace" Letter to the Editor. I was very disappointed and emailed several beloveds to get their opinion on me forwarding the letter to the powers-that-be at the client/company that didn't respect me. My email ended with this:
Bottom line, and at the risk of sounding sanctimonious, what would Jesus do? I ask because that is clearly not what [client/company whose leadership claims to follow Jesus] did, and I don’t want to follow its example.
Their responses were both enlightening and humbling. All of them told me in one way or another that it was time to "let go."
WHAT ABOUT A "WTF" MOMENT?
One beloved gave me the gift of contemplating what it might have been like to forward the letter:
I contemplated a WTF moment, like “Send it; wake the sleeping dragon.” I liked imagining them frantically running around wondering if/when you sent/send it to the Editor and did someone miss it?! OMG! I imagined meetings with them worried you might be sending it soon and looking for it in fear, so concerned about their sparkly image.
It was healing to imagine this moment. It was also healing that she ended with this:
Bottom line: You are still grieving a lingering and painful loss and they are unwilling to honor that. I’m sorry.
JUSTICE FOR "DISAPPOINTMENT"?
Another beloved responded this way:
. . . this feels more like it is about revenge … wanting someone else to hurt … than it does about justice. Your working relationship ended badly, but I don’t believe that laws were broken or rights violated. Promises, not contracts, were broken or unfulfilled, so it’s a big fucking disappointment. Is there such a thing as “justice” for disappointment? To me, leaning into this by expecting something more, is likely only to lead to further disappointment.
Yes. Why am I expecting more from this client/company where, according to yet another beloved, there is probably not:
. . . still someone with a soul with whom you can have a true conversation and be aware that somebody there truly gets the wrong done.
The response that loosened my grip the most was this one:
I am sad this has been so deep a wound that it seems it can't heal. Although it's not possible by human effort, I believe only Jesus can enable you to forgive. I believe that is the one thing that will finally give you freedom from this. It is what Jesus would do. I am with you and for you and not pushing you to do anything. I'm asking you to lay down your arms and give up the fight.
I love you and will continue to grieve with you as long as it takes.
So. I am giving up the fight for . . . as long as it takes.
Love to all.