OVERHEARD BETWEEN 8:06 A.M. AND 10:28 P.M. (EST) YESTERDAY . . .
FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE, WE SUGGEST YOU CHECK OUT SOME OF THE HYPERLINKS . . . OH HELL, TO BE HONEST, IT'S FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE.
MATISSTA: Like somebody showed up for dinner in an outfit that was out of fashion?
At grocery store:
CRYSTAL (favorite cashier): So who's going to win the Super Bowl?
SHARON: Beyonce! Did you see her new video? You gotta see her new video! She really sticks it to The Man! Black power, baby!
From This Week on ABC:
GEOGE STEPHANOPOLOUS: So, you would advocate torture worse then waterboarding for terrorists?
DUMP: George, ISIS is cutting off the heads of Christians.
GEORGE: So you would cut off the heads of members of ISIS?
DUMP: George, they are cutting off heads.
GEORGE: So a worse form of torture would be cutting off heads? Isn't that something from the medieval ages?
GEORGE: So you would sanction cutting off heads?
DUMP: We'll have to see.
From Meet the Press:
CHUCK TODD: You have said that you will appoint Supreme Court justices who will overturn same-sex marriage. An overwhelming majority of Americans approve same-sex marriage.
DUMP: We'll have to see.
From Kitten Bowl:
COMMENTATOR: And we have a penalty for cuteness distraction.
DAVID: Our foodies sure like to send their favorite foodie photos, especially of God's most perfect food -- macaroni and cheese.
From Puppy Bowl:
COMMENTATOR: "Offense wins games, cuteness wins championships."
Matissta arrives at Sharon's home:
SHARON: Hey, I'm working on tomorrow's post. If you hear or see anything odd during the Super Bowl, will you let me know?
MATISSTA: "You mean, like what you're wearing?
From the pre-Super Bowl program:
After a commercial for the Lincoln MKX:
SHARON: Is the tagline for that car, "The feeling stays with you?"
MATISSTA: It's called the clap.
During introduction of all 50 Super Bowl MVPs:
SHARON: Larry Csonka? Miami Dolphins? MVP 1974?
MATISSTA: I'd still do him.
After National Anthem:
SHARON: Damn, Lady Gaga just killed it. She was terrific.
Carolina's first possession:
MATISSTA: See, I told you Cam was nervous. That pass was short. Here comes Norman the punter.
After 1st Quarter Cam Newton fumble:
MATISSTA: I have nothing to say. I'm casting a spell.
After what seems like the 5th penalty by #21 of Denver:
SHARON: Pull that guy outta there! Get him outta here! . . . OMG, I sound like Donald Trump.
After 61-yard kick-off return by Denver -- the longest in Super Bowl history:
SHARON: I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said after that kick-off return.
MATISSTA: I didn't say anything.
SHARON: But Cam Newton is chewing gum that matches his uniform.
MATISSTA: I'm not paying attention to gum. I don't know what is more shocking. That Denver didn't score a touchdown or that this is the last season of The Good Wife.
After a long run by Denver's C.J.Anderson:
SHARON: Matissta! Look! My namesake!
MATISSTA: Yes, you're practically brother and sister. Only an initial separates you.
During half-time performance:
SHARON: Those girls aren't really playing those stringed instruments.
MATISSTA: You totally ruined it for me.
SHARON: OMG, look at Beyonce's hips.
MATISSTA: It's like Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation without the pants.
SHARON: It's the war between Beyonce and Bruno.
MATISSTA: It's the war of the "B's"! Where are the sharks from when Katy Perry did the half-time show?
SHARON: (Weepy) All the colors. All the love. It's so beautiful.
MATISSTA: It's like everyone in the stadium wants to hug each other right now.
Field goal attempt by Carolina:
SHARON: No go for Gano.
After Heinz commercial:
SHARON: I totally want to meet The Ketchups.
Following Drake commercial:
MATISSTA: Do you know who Drake is dating right now?
SHARON: Serena Gomez?
MATISSTA: Wait, I'm wrong. They broke up. She's dating the Reddit guy. OMG, he's such a white boy.
Following Denver two-point conversion:
SHARON: It's over.
MATISSTA: Carolina was so cocky.
End of the game. Denver wins over Carolina . . . 24-10:
SHARON: I'm so happy for Peyton Manning.
MATISSTA: I am, too.
SHARON: It's a good day for old people.
MATISSTA: Sharon, he's only 39 years old.