School's out for summer, and the sistas and mista sistas with young kids undoubtedly can't wait until V.B.S begins! That’s right: Vacation Bible School! And what better way for churches to lure your kids to go – and get them to stay – than with V.B.S. loot!
Thank GAWD for the Oriental Trading company, which for 75 years has been combining "FUN & FAITH" with items such as the one pictured here: the "Leap for the Lord" Potato Sack (2 ft. x 3 ft) for only $4.95!
How about the "Religious Squirt Rings" with these instructions: "Squirt your friends with these plastic rings! Fill with water, aim and squeeze." Look closely and you'll see that each ring is decorated with a religious icon and/or a message such as, "God rocks." Or get a load of the "Smile, Jesus Loves You!" Boomerangs; or the "Jesus Lights the Way" Flashing Bouncing Balls" (batteries included); or the precisely named "Rainbow Putty in Cross-Shaped Containers" with the description, "this putty is both pretty and gooey!" Wow, just like a personal relationship with Jesus!
It's hard for the Sassistas!TM to choose our favorite item. We love the "Wanted By God! Photo Frame Cards" and the "Fly with the Lord" gliders . . . but our absolute favorite – and we mean ABSOLUTE and we mean FAVORITE -- item is the "Stick to Your Faith Sticky Splat Balls" (pictured left), complete with the promise: "These sticky squish balls will splat a spiritual message on any surface!" But wait, that's not all! These Sticky Splat Balls are on sale for $9.99 a dozen rather than $11.95! Sweet Jesus, is there a God in heaven or what?
The Sassistas!TM are buying six dozen and heading straight to the White House!
Sassistas! I hope this email reaches you before you leave for the White House with your 6 dozen Sticky Splat Balls. Throwing anything at the White House results in sniper fire from the roof of the home of the presidential pretender, especially in these troubled days when his popularity rating has tanked. DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT throw anything at the White House or you may be able to deliver your spiritual message in spirit.
Posted by: half-a-sista | May 30, 2008 at 08:10 AM
Flannista
Has been awhile and found post amusing until it once again weaved in a shot at the President. I know, you can't help yourself. Bigger request is please do not send any of this stuff to PEACEsista aka youngasista as we already have our earthly qouta. We could however send you a tee shirt that AWH had made one time... WWWJD... What would Waylon Jennings Do. Would be perfect for Country Western VBS.
Posted by: nowayasista | May 30, 2008 at 08:21 AM
Always seeking more knowledge of the absurd world around me, I googled Oriental Trading Company, which, by the way, is a global equity company located in Omaha, NE. It apparently co-owns NoorArt, a company that caters to Muslims...making the world more fun for them too.
One of Oriental Trading Company's toy lines has come under fire. The "Soldier of God" line has been described as particularly popular in the South. The line consists of military-esque dog tags, wrist bands and other military accoutrements in lovely camouflage green. Also available are God shields. To the companies credit they do not sell toy weapons in this particular line. Looks like the company is living up to its goal: Making the world more fun...by training little soldiers for the christian god.
Sassistas! Maybe the company sells Sticky Splat Balls with Islamic messages. Buy 6 dozen of those and attempt to throw them at the White House. Whoa! That's probably the worst suggestion since the christian Sticky Splat Balls idea.
Posted by: half-a-sista | May 30, 2008 at 08:37 AM
half-a-sista: thanks for the head's up so we can keep ours, but your worries about our lives (and nowayasista's for the President's) are all for naught as the Oriental Trading Company has SOLD OUT OF "THE STICK TO YOUR FAITH STICKY SPLAT BALLS." Our hearts are crushed, er, splatted. We haven't been this disappointed since the Oriental Trading Company sold out of the blow-up gold, frankincense and myrrh gifts that we originally sent to to nowayasista for Christmas, who apparently did NOT sasspreciate them so PEACEsista (aka youngasista) sent them to YOU, who would. You may have the ONLY SET OF BLOW-UP GIFTS OF THE MAJI ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. WE MAY NEED YOU TO GO TO THE NATION'S CAPITOL AND LOFT THEM OVER THE WHITE HOUSE FENCE AS A SIGN TO THE PRESENT ADMINISTRATION THAT WE SEE A NEW STAR IN THE EAST COMING TO THAT WHITE HOUSE.
nowayasista: any idea what the Sassistas! can give PEACEsista for her birthday this summer now that you've forbidden items from the Oriental Trading Company? Let us know. By the way, we LOVE the WWWJD t-shirts! A perfect birthday gift for us!
Posted by: Flannista | May 30, 2008 at 08:46 AM
No, I will not sacrifice my plastic, blow-up Magi gifts. The presidential pretender doesn't seem to believe in signs, unless they are dollar signs.
Did I miss the "shot" at the "President"? Violence against any elected official or even semi-elected officials (like the presidential pretender) goes against the message of peace.
When did humor about those who sit in the White House become off-limits? Was that a part of the Patriot Act that I missed? Did Clinton fall outside that protection? When he was scathingly demeaned by the press and comedians of all political leanings, did people protest the tastelessness of that humor? I don't think so. At least they could make fun of him. They didn't make fun of Bush...but then I haven't seen anything that he has done that has been funny. Maybe that's the reason.
I am thinking of updating the children's story "The Emperor's New Clothes." It will be set in Washington, D.C. The presidential pretender (PP) has has ordered a new suit from the tailoring firm of Rice, Rove, Cheney, Wolferwitz, and Saud. As the procession moves down Pennsylvania Avenue, the crowd cheers and waves flags at the PP. A child looks at the motorcade and screams, "But the presidential pretender has no clothes. He's naked. I can see his pee pee." Immediately Secret Service agents grab the child, gag him and hustle him away. They institutionalize him and administer mind-numbing, anti-psychotic drugs to "calm" him. Then they send him to Guantanamo Bay under provisions of the Patriot Act.
Sometimes laughing is the only way not to cry.
Do you think that the Oriental Trading Company made the gold (faux, not real) coins stamped with "Where Will You Spend Eternity?"
Posted by: half-a-sista | May 30, 2008 at 10:05 AM
half-a-sista: hmmmmm. Not quite certain how to sasspond to your children's story about the PP's pp, so I'll let it go. Actually, I won't touch it.
The Sassistas! read the article this morning about the Marine in Iraq suspended for distributing coins quoting the Gospel to Sunni Muslims, and we did wonder if they had been manufactured by the Oriental Trading Company.
You will be sassprised to hear our sassponse to this: We kind of feel bad for the Marine, though we don't condone what he was doing. It may have been his way of doing what PEACEsista and nowayasista's son, Pete, did when Pete "chucked muffins for peace" to the Iraqi children. The Marine may be a new convert to the Gospel and allowed his zeal for Jesus to overtake his respect for other faiths. The Sassistas! recall their early Christian zeal and their pious sorrow and sanctimonious concern that anyone who didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus was going STRAIGHT TO HELL when they died. Time and humility have changed that opinion. (We don't want to be in heaven, for example, if Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Flannery O'Connor or Kathryn Hepburn aren't there. Also, we're counting on there being a HUGE library so we can get caught up on our reading). Anyhoo, the Marine is probably young, stuck in a dangerous place, and wanted to do SOMETHING. What the Marine did is benign compared to the PP's certainty that he was following God's will by invading Iraq. He's the one who ought to be suspended from his duties.
Posted by: Flannista | May 30, 2008 at 11:55 AM
I'd like to say that my co-workers love the "loot" that I give them for the holidays from Oriental Trading company. I've begun to get a reputation for it. Well, that and other things that I won't mention in this comment.
Posted by: Matissta | May 30, 2008 at 01:32 PM
Regardless of the Marine's "good" intentions, they had/have the potential to ignite religious insurgency. As my recently deceased mother often said, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." This Marine was on his way to creating a Hell on Earth for a lot of people.
Peter chucking muffins for peace in no way compares to the actions of this Marine. Peter wanted to create goodwill. The Marine wanted to convert people to his brand of christianism. Not the same thing at all.
While the Sassistas! religious zeal may have offended some of their fellow Americans, they did not go to a foreign country filled with non-christians and peddle eternal damnation. While the concept of eternal damnation exists in christianism, it does not exist in many of the major religions in our world. Peace, however, is a universal concept.
I won't even comment on what I think should happen to the PP. Hopefully the suspended Marine will send one of his coins to the PP for his consideration.
Posted by: half-a-sista | May 30, 2008 at 03:27 PM
You're right, half-a-sista, Pete's actions in no way compare to the actions of this Marine. It is not the same thing at all.
I think what I was trying to say was that this kind of religious disrespect "trickles down," no? This Marine's Commander in Chief decided to create Hell on Earth for a lot of innocent Iraqis (and yes, Hussein created his own brand of Hell on Earth) with shoddy "weapons of mass destruction" evidence. This is the model of leadership for this Marine. I do not excuse or condone what he did, but I think in some oblique way, he was inspired by the deceptive and pugnacious actions of his cocksure Commander in Chief.
Posted by: Flannista | May 30, 2008 at 04:22 PM
Yes, religious disrespect does "trickle down" but from our society as a whole. We (I'm speaking of the collective American people) assume that our way is the best way, that our religion (which we assume is chritianism) is the best religion, and that our form of representative democracy (in which most eligible Americans don't participate) is the best government. It smacks of colonialism at its worst and people who have suffered under colonialism (as the Iraqi people did) are especially sensitive to it.
Flannista, I thought I understood what you were saying, but I wanted to make sure. Have a great weekend. Take a couple of days off. See you on Monday.
Posted by: half-a-sista | May 30, 2008 at 09:04 PM
Always interesting to see what turn these posts take. A couple of comments though. Pete threw muffins to hungry kids. Don't know exactly how monicker of "chuck a muffin for peace" came about. Best realize that at time of muffin toss, he was behind a 50 caliber machine gun. Tread lightly on making snap judgement on Marine in question. Headline news is rarely accurate and mostly should be discounted. From my limited experience there is no where on earth that is as tolerant and accepting of different religions and cultures as America and Americans. I live in a western/midwestern town. We have a Church for virtually every line of Christian thought. A healthy and thriving Synagogue and an active Islamic Community and Mosque. You can also celebrate with the Wiccans should you choose. Wonder what their VBS is like? Generalizations are usually wrong.
Posted by: nowayasista | May 31, 2008 at 07:28 AM
I hear ya, noway. Ask PEACEsista about the PEACE moniker as I may have goofed up the muffin story. That Pete thought of doing it at all bespeaks to his good parenting which, fortunately for those hungry kids, trickled down to his good heart.
I also hear ya about treading lightly and making generalizations about America and Americans. I can't speak for half-a-sista, but can speak for myself. I love this country, but for reasons I don't want to share in the sassosphere, but some of which you are aware, I am often the victim of discrimination. I not do have access to several basic rights afforded to most Americans. I realize that In some countries I could be thrown in prison. I should be content that I'm not in prison? That's American tolerance?
This administration has invested more blood, sweat and tears, not to mention billions of dollars, to ensure democracy to Iraqi citizens before ensuring it for ALL of its own. Perhaps that's a generalization. Let me be more specific. I have fewer rights than you do. We're both Americans. Is this acceptable?
Posted by: Flannista | May 31, 2008 at 11:58 AM
Flannista
Discrimination takes many forms. Most rotten. I do not mean to say we are at state of perfection, certainly we never will be as humans are imperfect. Tire though of America bashing by Americans who enjoy the freedoms that we have. Not sure on the rights question. We are both Americans and would rather actually talk to you than send posts. Maybe next time you come out this way, we can climb up some more rocks.
Posted by: nowayasista | May 31, 2008 at 04:17 PM
It's a date, noway! I loved those rocks, by the way -- beautiful yet unchanging -- like my thoughts at times. Thanks for keeping me on my toes -- and for listening to me, which is the real gift.
Posted by: Flannista | May 31, 2008 at 08:17 PM
FYI: "Chuck a muffin for peace" was a phrase which I created in a post on another blog, when I shared the story of Peter throwing muffins to hungry children in Iraq. I was captivated by his line, "...because I can chuck a muffin pretty far." The concept was further reinforced by the comments on that post.
Peter is a little embarrassed by it. He says that he was just throwing food to hungry children. I am the one who construed it as
"peacemaking" and I still do, whether in Iraq, or here in my own back yard ... which was pretty much the point of that other post.
Posted by: PEACEsista | June 01, 2008 at 08:59 PM