During the holiday season, some things should be banned: the loss of a beloved, a terrible cold, a burnt-out refrigerator motor, Kenny G holiday albums . . . and bed bugs.
I always knew that Isaac carried around the soul of my home. I did not know that he also carried bed bugs; in fact, was quite a host to them. Guess who's hosting them now? I have been forced to sleep lathered in bug repellent and fully clothed, including socks.
Fifteen-years-old and teaming with Mighty MicroMites that not even Ripley from "Aliens" could terminate, my current mattress had to go. Preliminary online research told me that because I spend about a third of my life sleeping, I ought to spend about a third of my annual salary on a mattress. So I spent yesterday afternoon at Macy's, where select mattresses were discounted 50%. PLUS desperate for sales, Macy's was offering a free, 19-inch, flat-screen Sharp TV with the purchase of a mattress costing more than $799.00.
Who knew there would be about 120 mattresses to choose from? Or that they came in assorted "comfort textures" such as Extra Firm, Cushion Firm, Plush Firm, Euro Plush or Ultra Plush Euro-Gettin'-Very-Very-Sleepy? I rested on my back, my side, walked away, came back 15 minutes later, rested again, walked away, called Matiss for consumer ratings and eventually decided (after the sales representative woke me up) on the "Hotel Collection Stearns & Foster 'Classic' Cushion Firm Mattress Set" described this way:
Tired of waking up tired? A luxurious firm surface with added softness makes this mattress an excellent choice. Three quilted layers of convoluted memory foam provide a resilient cushioned top designed to maintain its consistency for years to come. Four high-density comfort layers offer all the support, comfort and durability you expect from an exceptional mattress.
What's more, this thing had a 696 coil count and coil gauge of 14.5 which I assumed had something to do with its Inner Springs or an AK-47. In any case, I will get a SAFE and good night's sleep once the exceptional mattress is delivered next week. In the mean time, I must continue my hermetically-sealed sleep and ponder this question from PEACEsista when we talked yesterday: "What about your sofa and reading chair?"
I just read about the starlings and the bedbugs and about the child you were, so open to what you loved. At home you got famine, at your friend's, abundance. As your friend, I am so grateful to Nancy and to all who love and nurture your great spirit.
Posted by: frida | December 30, 2008 at 08:35 AM
Your great spirit never fails to nurture mine. I can't tell you how many times this past week I've seen you in my mind's eye jumping for joy in the hallway outside your Community Center studio.
So full of abundance is your soul.
I, too, want to jump for joy.
Posted by: Flannista | December 30, 2008 at 08:39 AM
This post gives me a whole new insight to words from my childhood:
"Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!"
Glad you could settle on a new mattress in only one day. That shopping process can be overwhelming. Hope it comes sprinkled with fairy dust and includes no annoying peas to disturb your sleep, Princess.
Posted by: PEACEsista | December 30, 2008 at 10:36 AM
PEAS on earth, PEASEsista!
And trust me, I ain't no princess.
Posted by: Flannista | December 30, 2008 at 10:55 AM
I hope that you and Matissta will not have any unexpected, and expensive problems in the NEW YEAR!
Here's a toast to many nights of deep, peaceful sleep! Your creative mind needs a clear head.
Posted by: Momista | December 30, 2008 at 11:43 AM
Momista! When it rains, it pours, or at least the bugs come out. Yeah, my creative mind might need a clear head, but right now, my arms and legs need to be cleared of these bug bites!
On New Year's Eve, we'll toast to "many nights of deep, peaceful sleep" in your honor.
Posted by: Flannista | December 30, 2008 at 11:56 AM
Well, what else can go wrong? Flannista was convinced that after my refrigerator burned out, almost burning down my house because of flying sparks, that something else would happen. I'm glad this is it.
Years ago I had a friend, who moved from NY to Houston. He drove straight through and reached Houston exhausted. Although he had signed a lease on an apartment before officially moving there, he brought few items along, figuring he'd purchase what he needed when he got there.
Well, the first item was a bed. He drove straight to a bedding store, where he fell asleep. Snoring loudly. He was awakened by a salesman and security guard shaking him vigorously. His response was, "I'll take it!"
Posted by: Matissta | December 30, 2008 at 02:59 PM
Just think how different Leona Helmsley's personality might have been had she slept on the "Hotel Collection Stearns & Foster 'Classic' Cushion Firm Mattress Set".
You are a princess, Flan...a princess with bed bug bites (an alliteration). Celebrate your inner princess!
Appears that it may be time to refurnish the front room with that 14-piece pit group I am sure some local discount furniture place has for only $199.95...12 months same as cash.
Posted by: half-a-sista | December 30, 2008 at 03:00 PM
The moral of the Princess and the Pea fairy tale is: Don't eat in bed because it keeps you from having a good night's sleep.
Princesses and queens rule!!!
Posted by: half-a-sista | December 30, 2008 at 03:03 PM
"Celebrate your inner princess."
Never in my life has anyone ever said anything remotely like that to me. I should have seen it coming, half-a-sista, ever since you graced Matissta and me with matching tiaras as housewarming gifts when you visited in September. To show you my thanks, I'm shipping my old mattress to you.
Matiss -- did you see what you wrote in your comment: "I'm glad this is it." You're GLAD that I have bed bugs?! To show my thanks, I'm incarnating Leona Helmsley -- and her little dogs, too.
Posted by: Flannista | December 30, 2008 at 03:12 PM
Oh, no. A bag of malted milk balls, a lunch heavy on the gluten and sugar, and plays on the words "peas"...what more can a punster ask for? PEAS on earth....PEACEsista? How about, "Visualize whirled peas."
Or, "All we are saying is, 'Give peas a chance.'"
Or, "Sleep in heavenly peas, sleep in heavenly peas."
PEAS is a 4-letter word. (I never liked peas because I thought they had a milky-flavored juice when cooked. It wasn't until college that I learned that my mother always attempted to cream every vegetable she cooked. Turns out I didn't like creamed peas.)
Peas on Earth and Goodwill to all human beans.
STOP ME!!! STOP ME!!! Maybe another Coke will do it or a pot of tea with a half cup of sugar. Gotta get this under control or I will not rest in peas.
Posted by: half-a-sista | December 30, 2008 at 03:13 PM
Does PEACEsista become PEASsista for this afternoon of bad puns? Sorry, PEACE, you know I love you...I hope.
Posted by: half-a-sista | December 30, 2008 at 03:15 PM
half-a-sista: PEAS stop or I'll have to slap you (which may be the pun-ishment you're really craving right now).
Posted by: Flannista | December 30, 2008 at 03:21 PM
Flan, don't manifest your inner wicked witch. As Leona Helmsley's life taught all of us, a queen out of control up is an ugly thing.
Just have them leave the mattress on the front porch with my "Our Lady of Guadalupe" bath tub that will become a shrine this spring and the old windows from the house which will be painted and hung as art, and the gardening clogs, bag of ice-melt, snow shovel, empty pots for plants, bags of mulch and the two clear plastic shower curtains. I may come home someday and find a homeless person enjoying the luxuries of my front porch. He will enjoy the mattress.
Peas like a river flow.
Let there be peas on earth and let them begin with me.
War and Peas...Tolstoy's vegetarian classic of war and vegetables.
The Peas Sign...a big green dot or place the tip of your index finger on the tip of your thumb to indicate the roundness of peas.
No peas, no justice. No justice, no peas.
I can feel the medication spacing my synapses farther and farther apart.
Get on the peas train.
I am calm once again. No more puns come to mind. I am set pea...oops! More sugar, more meds.
Posted by: half-a-sista | December 30, 2008 at 03:27 PM
Flan, no pun-ishment please. Just some peas and quiet.
Posted by: half-a-sista | December 30, 2008 at 03:29 PM
Once upon a time a giant pea decided to roll across America and enter the Book of Records as the first pea to travel from coast to coast rolling along. When he neared his halfway mark, a little town in Central Kansas prepared for the big event. They brought the whole town of 3482 people to line the highway. The high school band assembled and played martial music in as the pea rolled through town. Everyone clapped. Photographers from as far away as Topeka took pictures. One of them ran with a 2-inch headline. The photograph showed the pea sitting next to the sign that showed the town's name and population. The headline read, "The Pea That Pass-ed Understanding."
Da-Dum. Don't laugh. It only encourages me.
Posted by: half-a-sista | December 30, 2008 at 04:51 PM
[GROAN]
Posted by: Jerseysista | December 30, 2008 at 04:56 PM
Half-a: I have no explanation for why I'm crying as I read your comment. Something about it just got to my heart, which is so red and swollen these days. Your comment/story was like a big ol' bed-bug free blanket.
Thank you.
Posted by: Flannista | December 30, 2008 at 04:58 PM
Jersey: I didn't groan when I read it. Honestly, I didn't.
Am I grieving THAT much?
Posted by: Flannista | December 30, 2008 at 04:59 PM
Ok, I didn't see this one ;-) (love the riff on peas, even if I can't stand them cooked)
"There was never a good war or a bad pea"
Benjamin Franklin
Is this a Peas Offering?? LOL!!!
Posted by: Chrysosistah | December 30, 2008 at 11:14 PM
Seriously, Flannista, you need to get those zippered sacks for the mattress and your pillows, same as are used for allergy sufferers (should be able to pick up at Target, etc.). They prevent/eliminate all sorts of issues like this, and help keep your mattress/pillows clean to boot! Wash all your bedding in the hottest water you can, and dry on the hottest setting it will take (might want to do this a few times). Bedbugs are not something to take lightly (they can hide in the carpeting, cracks in flooring, etc, besides the eggs), sort of like trying to eliminate fleas - really have to get scrupulous...
Rent a steam cleaner from the store to do the flooring, etc. in the bedroom. That should make a great start...
Boric Acid is a great low-cost, general, effective insecticide - Wikipedia offers good "recipes" for insecticide use...
Good luck!! My mom once had the mother of all tick infestations after hosting emergency guests, and she got rid of them, but it was war for a while...
Posted by: Chrysosistah | December 30, 2008 at 11:23 PM
So sorry to hear about the bites, but hopeful the worst is over and the new mattress will be divine. Just caught up on the reading here and am glad to be back on track. Love you.
Posted by: babysis | December 30, 2008 at 11:39 PM