We know what you're thinking. Why in the sass are the Sassistas!TM dishing on a product that only Matissta could still possibly use?
Because sometimes products come along that demand our domestic-diva attention. Remember our in-sass report about Lancome's new oscillating mascara? Don't forget our insassigation on Pampers! We don't use these products but still provided a much-needed sasspective for millions of Americans.
Such a product is the new Always Infinity pads. They had us at "Infinicel." According to the Always.com website, Infinicel is "an incredibly absorbent material . . . which is super thin but can hold 10x its weight. Now that's powerful absorbency like you've never experienced before!" To see for yourself how this new product can absorb a HUGE BLUE TORNADO of moisture, click here (give it a moment to download). That's so crazy absorbent!
But wait, there's more! Check out Infinity's other features! According to the Always.com website:
- An incredibly soft cover sheet designed to work with the pads Infinicel core to help you feel dry.
- Microdots for fast absorption at the center of each pad engineered to help quickly guide fluid deep inside and away from you.
- Revolutionary wings for secure protection that hug the curvature of your panty and provide optimal coverage at your panty's sides.
- Form-fitting channels for great leakage protection that move with your body for an intimate three-dimensional body fit and great leakage protection.
- Designed to be wider in the back for increased coverage where you need it most.
But wait, there's even more! By clicking here, and then clicking the "Play" link, you have a unique opportunity to create your very own, "Have a happy period" Zen Garden, where you can move around rocks, torches and . . . dare we say it?! . . . GNOMES to create your own quiet, happy place!
However, there's just one problem for many of us. We don't have a need for the Always Infinity product with Infinicel. So what other uses could we find for this pad that is so crazy absorbent? Surely there are other uses for these microdots, revolutionary wings and form-fitting channels.
Please share! To Infinicel and beyond!
Given my bad plane-ma and the fact that I am a frequent flyer with U.S. Airways that recently had a flight land in the Hudson River, I am grateful that one of these Always Infinity pads can also (and Always!) function as this:
http://www.boatpartsinfo.com/images/liferaft.gif
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 06:49 AM
I’m fascinated by the animated graphics. It looks like they adapted it from a DARPA presentation for the stealth bomber. But, to your question, I would like to tile my bathroom floor with these like this: http://www.bombayharbor.com/productImage/Ivory_Pavers/Ivory_Pavers.jpg. It would be cushy like carpet and still absorb all those splashes from the bath.
Posted by: Jerseysista | February 06, 2009 at 08:40 AM
As you can surmise from the link below, my system for my runny nose during allergy season has been a tad uncomfortable over the years. KUDOS to the Sassistas! for introducing a new product that I can adhere to the outside of my nose instead of in it.
http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/jdu/lowres/jdun509l.jpg
Posted by: Miss Missasista | February 06, 2009 at 08:45 AM
LOL, MM. You come up with the best images.
Posted by: Jerseysista | February 06, 2009 at 08:59 AM
Jersey -- couldn't get your image to cooperate with me, but love your thinking here: "cushy like carpet and still absorb all those splashes from the bath." That is out-of-the-sass thinking. And as you are the scientist of the sassosphere, could you ponder from what and where these pads evolved? Was it something organic at one time? Further, "Always Infinity" -- something spiritual there, don't you think?
And yes, MM, should just have LOL as credentials after her name. Glad that Always Infinity will save you from having to cork your nostrils. Just one quessass, though. Won't the adhesive on the wings get stuck in your hair? Kind of painful, no? How would you actually affix the pad to your face? Get back to us.
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 09:33 AM
A Sassistas! challenge:
Write an Always Infinity haiku that includes the word, "Infinicel"!
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 09:34 AM
Oh, Flannista, the evolution of the Infinity Pad is long. See here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9ymaSzcsdY it's first appearance in the Sass-ambria age. Note that in this stage its microdots were red rather than blue and it had yet to evolve its wings but it already had that twisty morphing movement of its later cousin. BTW do you know that Darwin was born 200 years ago this month?
Posted by: Jerseysista | February 06, 2009 at 09:46 AM
Dr. Jersey -- we definitely need a post from you about the 200th birthday of Darwin. I'm serisass.
I'm quite impressed with this video footage of the evolution of the Always Infinity pad. The accompanying music gave the footage that extra weight of authority, though it wasn't really needed. I was actually rather speechless watching this, like I was watching the birth of some great and wondrous thing such as . . . oscillating mascara. Thanks so much for finding and posting this rare footage -- a first in the sassosphere as we had not until now, posted about parameciums. While watching this video, taking in the shape, etc., it occurred to me that the Always Infinity pad could also be used as these:
http://www.cinnamon-slipper.com/pictures/3610-d1.jpg
The microdots would keep my feet dry, plus they'd stay stuck on the bottom of my shoe. The leakage protection will be great for walking in the rain!
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 10:02 AM
INFINITY HAIKU FOR JERSEY
Oh! Infinicel
paramecium eating
red pigmented yeast
Posted by: PEACEsista | February 06, 2009 at 10:04 AM
HOLY SASS!
A haiku incorporating both Infinicel AND paramecium.
Dr. Jersey -- what are the odds? This is truly a Sassistas! moment. I must pause and take it in. I must read PEACE's haiku aloud. Slowly. Enunciating each syllable.
Gosh, I feel such peace and I haven't even been to the Always Infinity zen garden!
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 10:08 AM
Carolyn likes to cook. Seems like the Always Infinity pads could function as these:
http://www.cooksdirect.com/supplyimages/WF00000/FG17TM.jpg
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 10:15 AM
I thought for sure someone would post this one:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kerijoy/2736836096/
Posted by: babysis | February 06, 2009 at 10:24 AM
I am trying to sneak in some sassearch between all my work duties, but it is difficult. However, I was able to find this image of a way I might possibly hook up this wonderful discovery to my nose without disturbing my delightful hairdos:
http://www.users.bigpond.com/graykon/Products/facesmall.jpg
Posted by: Miss Missasista | February 06, 2009 at 10:52 AM
LOL, babysis! And much better than the inner soles I posted. The addition of the pennies make a lot of cents.
I'm thinking with its revolutionary wings the Always Infinity pad could also function one of these:
http://wahooart.com/A55A04/w.nsf/OPRA/BRUE-5ZKFYS/$File/Victor%20Vasnetsov%20-%20The%20Magic%20Carpet.JPG
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 10:54 AM
SASSWANDA, MM! Where in the hell-o did you find that image? (Also, what do you suppose that thing is really used for? I'm kind of afraid to know, actually.)
Thanks for sneaking in the sassearch in between your work duties. Perhaps you should relax, pull out an Always Infinity pad and use it as this:
http://swingwarehouse.com/productImages/Polycord%20Hammock%20-%20Green.jpg
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Was thinking about how cold it was and how much I wish I had one of those Amish heaters so I could Fare Thee Well a lot better, and it occurred to me that an Always Infinity pad could be reconfigured thusly and keep heads dry, too!:
http://www.kannikskorner.com/images/white%20bonnet%20side.gif
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 11:48 AM
Wow. I thought that I was the only one who would purposely pursue pictures of paramecium partaking pigmented yeast.
What bugs me is that I can't pronounce "infinicel," my Southern fried tongue trips over the syllables. It's a clumsy word, at best.
Flan, you're brilliant, but had a blonde moment. I don't know anyone who would use an absorbent substance to make a life raft outta. If you want to put this product to a more pragmatic use on your future flights, I'd just use it as an evolutionary sort of "Depends" for that bothersome female geriatric bladder leakage malady, (not that I'm there yet). But 4 hours on a tarmac might aggravate a lot of ills.
MM, it's true, you do locate some of the most hilarious images.
Babysis, how my heart goes pitter-pat just seeing your name in print. Love those slippers! If you do a sleepover anytime soon, I promise to have you some waiting on your blow-up mattress.
Posted by: Carolyn | February 06, 2009 at 12:44 PM
Oh boy, did anyone go to the "Play" link that Flannista mentions? There's a link, "Iron on the Happy." MM, there's one for you!
And it had to be a man that came up with the line, "Have a happy period!" Really, who has a happy period? Doesn't every woman hate that "time of the month"?
Posted by: Matissta | February 06, 2009 at 12:50 PM
Jersey, we have a poet among us with Carolyn's line: "purposely pursue pictures of paramecium partaking pigmented yeast," don't ya think? Really, Carolyn, so lyrical. So rhapsodic.
That was the zenith of your comment. Now let's address the nadir, after all, you did bring up "Depends." I'm quite hurt . . . traumatized, actually, that you did not read my post very carefully. If you had, you would have known that the Always Infinity pad has form-fitting channels for great leakage protection. I think that means that not much moisture would get in, but perhaps I'm wrong. I'll let you know the next time I fly which is on Tuesday. Those pads could reasonably be an extra seat cushion, too. And speaking of blow-up mattress, I'm picturing several of those pads configured on the floor as sleeping space and bathroom all in one for the next time babysis comes to visit.
And if the nadir of your comment wasn't enough to traumatize me, I'm shocked that the two words that came to me when I thought "Infinicel" and "Carolyn" did not come to you: DISH TOWELS.
Matiss, thanks for reminding me about the "Iron on Happy Patches". I need several right now. Prior to Carolyn's comment, I was having a happy period. Now? 'Fraid I'm infinicelly sad.
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 01:41 PM
OK Matissta, Your additional prompting sent me right to playland. Alas, it's not my TOM, so nothing was suitable. However, for future reference, that Zen garden is seriously lacking in chocolate and firearms. The rocks and rake might be useful though.
Posted by: babysis | February 06, 2009 at 01:43 PM
babysis, hasn't been my TOM for several years now . . . not that I'm complaining, but just wait. You'd give a thousand TOMs after your first serious hot flash. Come to think of it, not even Infinicel can adequately sop up my skin after one of those things. You're going to discover that your only happy place is the refrigerator freezer -- and then only if there's several bottles Grey Goose on ice.
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 02:08 PM
Carolyn must be peering at some peculiar parameciums. Or perhaps I've completely intimisassited her.
Two other words came to mind when I thought "Infinicel" (not all that hard to pronounce if the word "care" really meant anything in your name, Carolyn) and "Carolyn": CORN DOGS
I'm thinkin' that the Always Infinity pad could also function as one of these if Carolyn didn't want her dog deep fried:
http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/3748993/2/istockphoto_3748993_empty_hot_dog_bun.jpg
However, if she did want the dog deeply fried, the pad would really soak up that grease, not to mention, keep the grease away from her skin thanks to the FORM-FITTING CHANNELS FOR GREAT LEAKAGE PROTECTION.
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 02:15 PM
Flann, you ditz. The leakage protection is AFTER it's absorbed all available fluid. So, darlin', your boat ain't gonna float.
Posted by: Carolyn | February 06, 2009 at 02:32 PM
A minor mea culpa will do, Flann. Nothing rhapsodic required.
Posted by: Carolyn | February 06, 2009 at 02:36 PM
Oh.
Well, EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUZE me, Carolyn. Guess there's only ONE thing that floats for you, and actually, that brings to mind yet another use for the Always Infinity pad:
http://ava7.com/images/funny-toilet-pictures/big-toilet-paper.jpg
There. That oughta cover what floats for Carolyn.
Posted by: Flannista | February 06, 2009 at 02:43 PM