Best Practices?

The Sassistas!^TM are proud to introduce a new post category: RANT ON, MATISSTA!  Once or so a month, Matissta will spout off about whatever she feels like spouting off about.  Today, Matissta takes on corporate budget cuts!

TRAVEL
After more than two decades of booking the cheapest hotels, airfare, car rental and rarely charging the powers-that-be for dinner (because I often go out with friends to a nicer place), I don't travel to our New York office anymore because the powers-that-be tell me our company needs to save money.

Here's my idea: The airport here is 30 minutes away.  My CEO, who lives 10 minutes away from me, could haul his own ass to the airport, like I do, for a day visit to our New York office.  Instead he uses car service: $90 each way (to and from his home to the airport here and to and from the airport there to the New York office).  His cost for a single-day of travel, not including airfare or food -- $360.  My cost? $110.  And he goes to the New York office once a week.  Let's see . . . $1440 a month vs. $440.  You do the math.

COFFEE
To save money, coffee stations are "closed" up at 1 pm to limit coffee consumption.  A co-worker suggested that the powers-that-be purchase coffeemakers that make individual servings. Their response? "You people will steal the individual servings of coffee for home use."

Here's my response:  Hey, Sherlock, people don't have machines at home that make individual cups of coffee.

Further, the powers-that-be laid off the person responsible for cleaning and stocking the coffee pantries.  Now, staff persons making between $50,000 and $110,000 are stocking and cleaning the pantries.  What's more, we've been told to bring in our own mugs rather than using 8 oz. paper ones typically supplied by most offices. The result?  The powers-that-be are panicking because of the size of the mugs people are bringing in from home.  More coffee is being consumed. 

Here's my worry:  We'll be asked to supply our own toilet paper.

Last time we went through "hard times," the powers-that-be increased our hours, froze our wages, and eliminated any social events (e.g., the annual picnic and holiday party), because they wanted to "send a message."  Result: The wages of the CEO and VP's were frozen too, but they still got their bonuses.

Here's my message: Morale sucks.

Matissta invites all the sistas and mistas to join her rant about corporate "best practices"!

Comments

[Flannista]

A TRUMPET FLOURISH AND DRUM ROLL, PLEASE!!!

This is Matissta's first post, ever!!! She has a wicked sense of humor, but has always been too shy and intimidated to try and capture her wit with words on a page.

Let's show Matiss our appreciation today by ranting on and on and on about our experiences with corporate budget cuts. Yes, let's talk strategic initiatives! New paradigms! Utilizing complex linguistic architectures to deploy meeting the bottom line at the end of the day! Yes, let's discuss discernible disenfranchisement!

Don't get me started!

[Sistadawg]

Matiss, you are so right. The only ones who suffer during tough times are the employees who make the "powers that be" their big bonuses. Things are also very, very tight in our office. The employees got a $1.99 scarf for Christmas and the Executives received filet mignon gift baskets. hmmmm. Morale sucks and the uppity-ups suck even more.

I say take a leak in their coffee.

[Flannista]

BOW WOW, Sistadawg! Preach it like it is!

Worst of all are evangelical Christian powers-that-be that call budget cuts "good stewardship of the Lord's resources." Yeah, I'm sure Jesus would have loved a filet mignon basket to celebrate his birth.

I love your sassgestion for the coffee. Tell me, you choke anyone yet with the $1.99 scarf?

[Jerseysista]

Great post. This coffee-control compulsion so typifies the dehumanization of the work force. Managers get so focused on numbers and buy in to the concept that employees are assets and resources that they only see a task and a goal and do not see the people. Managers think they are so good at risk management but they need to take the risk of trusting in the people who work for them. The rewards would surprise them, I'm sure.

[Matissta]

First let me say that this post is a way for us get this crap off our chests. I'm not a miserable person, but I find looking at it from a humorous perspective helps. It gets my co-workers laughing rather than taking another valium or xanax.

I'm the sounding board in my department from the director down. I hear it all and from every point of view.

Sistadawg, I've seen you in action at work. You can handle anything and handle it well. Hell, watching you at work, was a thing of beauty.

It always amazes me that management or the "powers that be" don't understand how rewarding the employees in some of the most simple ways builds loyalty and morale.

[babysis]

Matissta, I love this post, from the comic strip on down. It reminds me how much I do not miss the corporate world. Being the sounding board for your department is one way you help morale.

I always used to wonder if the uppity folks just forgot what it was like to do the actual work, or they just fell into an entitlement mentality like they earned it. Maybe it's both or neither, or the path of least resistance when you've seen it modeled over and over.

For improving morale, I think employees should be given despair.com gift certificates and be allowed to use and display those products at work. Let's just be honest about the B.S. for once.

[Jerseysista]

The current calendar page on my Despair.com calendar says "Planning: Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress"

Matissta, your post puts so much into an amazingly concise (dare I say "austere"?) package and it has a great balance of wit and truth (and crabbing). Please post more in the future.

[half-a-sista]

Matissta, do not, I repeat, do not pee in the coffee even if only the executives drink it. A man in my hometown did it and did it so often his co-worker knew something was wrong. They caught him on videotape "making" the coffee. He is doing time now.

I worked for the government for 32 years. I saw many of the same things that you describe. "We don't have any money to spend. Cut back. We can't give you a cost-of-living raise. Blah, blah, blah." Then in September at the end of the budget year they would make me (the director) order polo shirts with the department's emblem embroidered on it for my staff as a "thank you gift" for their hard work. When I suggested that we give them the money instead, my boss laughed at me. When I refused to order one and waste the money, he ordered one for me. I have several of those shirts in my possession...my own and a few of my fellow employees who said, "I will never wear this piece of crap."

[Matissta]

Jersey, thanks for your kind words. I was indeed nervous about the post. I love to "crab" about things, but in a fun way. For me, it's a way of letting it go, rather than holding onto the negative feelings.

There used to a group of co-workers that I labeled "The Black Cloud." All they did was complain. I avoided them, not wanting to be dragged under.

Your comment about the "coffee-control compulsion" hits it on the head. Flann wanted me write the post with only the topic of coffee.

[PEACEsista]

Way to go, Matiss. Loved "Here's my idea ..." You could do a regular post with advice and become the "Dear Abbey" of the corporate world! God knows they need your advice!

Noway works for an investment firm. His office did away with the traditional office Christmas party and used the money to host an open house with food and drink for their clients. It was well-attended and in spite of the beating that everyone took in the stock market last year, people were grateful for an opportunity to celebrate.

Hours were cut for salaried employees in his firm, instead of jobs, but last week managers were fired. His firm started toward the top with their cuts ... more humane than axing a lot of positions lower down, but bad news all around.

I substitute teach in yoga now and business is booming, with students flooding into classes from their corporate, state and federal jobs for stress reduction!

[Sistadawg]

Great job on the post, Matissta. It feels great to vent.

I keep preaching at my job that it is the simple things that make people happy. Send employees home a couple hours early on a Friday for a job well done. Time is priceless.
And no, I repeat, no, please don't urinate in the coffee . . . Who would keep Flann in line if you were in jail?

[Matissta]

babysis, that cartoon is proudly displayed on my refrigerator! The corporate world can be difficult. That's why a sense of humor is always so important.

When I'm out of the office, my co-workers comment on how quiet it was while I was out and there was "no fun."

One of the things my co-workers started is a Breakfast Club. Every Friday a co-worker brings in breakfast. We also have a potluck lunch for Thanksgiving and Christmas time. This group loves to eat, but it also provides time to interact beyond work.

[Matissta]

Jersey, you can thank Flann for her great editing. I had a lot more I wanted to list. She tightened it up. The sign of a good editor.

PEACE, I like the idea of having an open house. I really enjoy our customers, but rarely, if ever, get to meet them. Often after you meet in person, you have more of a bond/connection.

I have also suggested to several of my co-workers to try alternative ways of elevating stress, such as acupuncture or yoga.

Too bad you don't live in this area. I could be drumming up a lot of business for you!

[Momista]

Matissta keep on ranting. Through the years I have witnessed your frustration, and totally agree with your assessment of this chintzy company. My biggest rant on your situation is that I do not get to see you as often.

[Flannista]

Great sass today, sistas and mistas.

half-a: there goes the idea Matiss and I had to design polo shirts with the "Sassistas!" masthead on each one. Oh well. Thanks for sassing in today.

I love despair.com -- can't get enough of it. Carolyn sent me some a great ball cap and hooded sweatshirt from there that I can't wait to wear the next time I'm seated at a corporate conference table.

Hope you are inspired to do most posts like this one, Matiss. We're all very proud of you. Oh, by the way, I'm planning to come over to your office today after 2 pm to request a cup of coffee. I'll bring my own mug.

[Matissta]

half-a, thanks for stopping by today. Don't worry, I wouldn't add anything to the coffee. Not my style.

half-a, you and I could speak for hours on this topic, I'm sure. My organization is a non-for-profit. Very similar to working for the government; only the government has better benefits. Every year we receive a "gift." They don't spend above $15. I thank them for it each year, but think "why are you spending money on this crap?" I now have a t-shirt, a vest, a travel clock, a picnic blanket, a wind-up flashlight, a mini-tool kit, an umbrella, all with the company logo... you get the idea. A group agonizes over this choice. And when the gift is handed out, by the mail guy, it becomes a great source of conversation. In a few minutes, workers gather and make fun of the gift. Now there's a great morale booster.

[Flannista]

On Monday night, The Rich Man shared with me how disgusted he was that the board of a famous business school (of which he is a member) recently redid its marketing strategy which recommended seeing the students as "products."

"I was appalled," The Rich Man said. "I told the other board members that the students are human beings . . . not products. We can't refer to them as 'products.'"

I replied, "You refer to your company associates as human capital. You have a Chief Human Capital Officer."

He said nothing.

[Flannista]

Momista lives in New York, so of course, she is missing her lovely Matiss!

What a sweet thing to write, Momista! Thanks for joining the rant today!

[Texasissta]

Matissta,

Thanks for expressing one of the rants I've had for years! At my job in Colorado I had practically a full trunk of stupid "appreciation" gifts - which of course had the company logo so that I could never really USE them.
I received a ONE YEAR pin at my job here. Can't wait to see what I get for year two.

And yes, having run a non-profit, I'm totally aware that cutting supply costs isn't even a drop in the bucket, so why do that at all? It doesn't even affect the bottom line. The big guys perks are the ones that should go.

[Chrysosistah]

Matissta, great post, I certainly hope you come back more often!

Some people might envy me because I work out of the house; but I dislike it immensely. I miss working with a group of people - I miss the interaction. I ran the last office my company maintained, when we employed enough people to make it worthwhile. In addition to managing the office, I supplied the coffee and the coffeemaker, cleaned the office, bought gifts for the staff out of my own pay, noticed birthdays & anniversaries, gave formal reviews and lobbied for better pay and other things to try and make it a nicer place to work.

I KNOW I was the only person in the entire company who did this, and I KNOW other "managers" thought I was being an idiot or a sap. Right now, working out of the house, I receive a paycheck, period. No benefits, no bonuses. But considering the economy, I need to be happy I even have a job!

[Matissta]

Sistadawg, you are so right. It's the simple things. Yes, wouldn't it be a nice surprise if you were sent home early for a job well done! When I managed a group, I would sometimes let them take a longer lunch. It meant so much to them; they were always thrilled!

A manager shared with me that she gave her frequent flyer mileage to her employees. She traveled so much that she preferred to stay home when she had time off. But for her employees, it was such a wonderful reward, especially the ones with families.

Thanks, Momista. You have endured my rants over the years about the company. Many of my friends think I make these stories up or exaggerate. Believe me, I don't have to.

[Chrysosistah]

Geez, that would be nice (the frequent flyer miles). We love to travel, and between the cost and balancing school & work obligations, it's tough to pull off.

What gets me is when the "superiors" talk openly of traveling to Las Vegas for a weekend, or the latest ski trip to the Rockies on the company dime - but clearly only the privileged are included in the invitation. I don't know if they are completely insensitive, boastful, or just rude. It hurts and is very demoralizing, that's for sure.

[Matissta]

Welcome, Texassista! Good to hear from you. The One Year pin is, well, priceless. I'm jealous.

Yesterday, I needed to order some supplies. My co-workers were ribbing me, asking if I had "permission" to purchase these items. The total amount came to approximately $11. I wonder if my request will go through. Earlier in the day, I had heard from another co-worker (a Director) that one of the Directors has the company pay his car lease. It's in his contract.

Another Director had the company pay his relocation costs. No, that's not unusual. What's unusual is they moved his family from upstate New York to Rhode Island. Our company is located in Maryland. He works in the Maryland office Monday through Thursday, because he has also finagled to "work from home" on Fridays . . . in Rhode Island.

Chryso, I want to work for you! Damn, girl.

And I can totally understand why you miss working in an office. One of the things that keeps anyone at a job is the people. Overall, I work with a great group of people.

As Flann and I often say, "The US economy -- making us thankful for the jobs we hate!"

[Flannista]

Chryso -- as I read your comments, I thought, man, I would hire her in a heartbeat. Then I realized that I would hire everyone who has posted today in a heart beat . . . including Momista, who would clearly be CEO of our company by virtue of plain talk, not to mention, her lasagna recipe.

(Sorry, Jersey. How about the vice chairmanship by virtue of your paella mandala?)

I'm in the mailroom and janitorial closet by virtue of Hot & Spicy Cheez-its.

[Westsista]

Its Dilbert's world, and we're just living in it. I've often said that Scott Adams (who writes Dilbert) is not a humorist - he's a documentarian.

Sometimes I think I'll write a book about this subject (great post, Matissta!). God knows I've spent enough time raving about it (I'm definitely one of the black cloud employees when things get bad).

Chryso - geez. Good people love to work for people like you. And see all the management greats (Drucker et al) for reasons why managing "people" not controlling "assets" is much more effective, that is, better for the bottom line.

At one company I worked at, we had to take an employee satisfaction survey every 6 months. Because of our department's low morale, our numbers kept declining. Concerned about the decline, our manager added an objective for each of us to "raise our employee satisfaction numbers." In other words, we would reach our objective by recording higher satisfaction on our surveys. I refused to sign my objectives until they took that one out.

I once worked on a project with 7 other people, and in 2 months we saved a $65 million account, and actually got a $10 million extension. That year I got a mediocre review with a 2% raise. Oh, I did get a bonus for saving the account though. Amount? $50.