Last month, the Sassistas!TM were proud to introduce a new post category: RANT ON, MATISSTA! -- where Matissta spouts off about whatever she feels like. Today, Matissta takes on movie theater etiquette!
LINES
I get here early. Why can’t you? I get holding a place in line for your date, who is parking the car, but I sure don't get holding a place in the line for five or six of your friends, who couldn’t make it on time. Get lost.
TICKETS
Don’t complain about the ticket prices when you approach the window. We all have to pay them. The kid in the booth doesn’t own the theater and can’t do anything about it. Plus the kid probably only makes six bucks an hour. Show some mercy rather than some arrogance.
CONCESSION
It’s not cool to bring in food from the outside. If your reasoning is high prices, why do you have to purchase any food at all? When watching a movie at home, do you eat all that crap? A bucket of popcorn and a barrel of soda?
EATING
Okay, so you DO have to eat all that crap, but do I have to hear every slurp of your drink or crunch of your popcorn?! Do those sound effects make for a better movie-viewing experience? Be considerate. Be a slob in the comfort of your home, but not in the comfort of the seat in front or behind me.
TALKING
I paid good money (see TICKETS above) to hear the dialog, not you. So you missed a line or two because you were slurping or crunching, but don't ask your companion about what you missed. Better just you miss something than those sitting around you. And if you’ve seen the movie, please don’t describe what will happen next or explain why the current scene is important.
Turn off your cell phone. Yeah, I'm talking to you. What makes you think this only applies to others? If you must leave your cell phone on, please turn it to vibrate and step out of the theater to speak. Otherwise, please be quiet. Really, just shut up.
What’s your pet peeve about movie theater etiquette? Yeah, you -- I'm talking to you. What is it?
Let me know. Now. And don't slurp or crunch.
RANT ON, GIRLFRIEND!
Why does this happen enough for me to bitch about it in a comment to today's post:
Hearing aids and the sound their batteries make when the are losing their juice. Hearing that high-pitched sound makes me want to lose my cool.
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 05:30 AM
What about that 2-year-old that wouldn't stop screaming during "Godfather II"?
I'm still pissed about it. Why bring a kid to a movie like that?
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 07:28 AM
I don't go to the movies that much. I prefer to watch them at home by myself. I got tired of paying the ticket prices to sit in a theater and babysit the adults, teenagers, and little children whose parents dumped them at the theater so they could do other things. The adults are the worse.
One of the most irritating incidents happened at that film about Madonna's tour. I can't think of the name of it. My friend and I had gotten there early to get good seats and, as it turned out, not many people came to that showing. The film started with scenes of her in her pointed boob outfit and fingering her crotch. A man about 40 stood up in the back of the theater and yelled, "Blasphemy! Look what she's doing! And she calls herself Madonna! Sinner!"
My friend yelled, "Shut the fuck up. Did you think this was a film about the Virgin Mary? You idiot, get out of the theater!" The man left. I was glad that guy didn't have a gun.
I am reminded of a friend who went to see "Midnight Cowboy" because he thought it was a western. DUH!
I guess my pet peeve is people who come to see a movie without knowing what it's about and then complaining about what they see.
Posted by: half-a-sista | May 22, 2009 at 08:13 AM
What I'm really wondering is whether you misspelled the word "etiquette" on purpose, and if so, is there a joke I'm missing?
What I've always wondered is why people treat a movie theater like a ball park by throwing all their trash on the floor? Couldn't they take their own buckets, cups and candy wrappers and throw them in the trash on their way out the door?
Posted by: PEACEsista | May 22, 2009 at 08:23 AM
PEACE -- the proper sista etiquette would have been to email Flannista separately so as not to embarsass her about the misspelling of the word.
I fixed the word so it's no longer, "ediquette". What can I say? Yesterday was a LONG day.
I hear you about that trash thing. Do you think theater patrons throw stuff on the floor like that when they watch a movie at home? Perhaps they need to be et-u-cated, PEACE.
So you're saying it's okay to throw all that trash on the ground at a ball park?
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 08:40 AM
half-a: It was "Truth or Dare" -- a documentary about Madonna's tour in Paris. I loved that thing. Shot in black-and-white, but so glaringly exposing Madonna's self-importance. She's talented, yes, but shut up about it.
I'm from the old school of film watching. Some films MUST BE WATCHED ON THE BIG SCREEN. I saw someone watching "The Dark Knight" on an iPod on the plane. What's next, "Ben Hur"? "Lawrence of Arabia"? Those movies lose something on smaller home TV screens. How can they possibly be enjoyed on an iPod screen?
I remember watching "Desert Hearts" and a couple of women behind me (senior citizens) walked out. They thought it was about the Painted Desert in Arizona.
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 08:54 AM
How about this pet peeve?
You're in a theater of mostly kids because it's "The Incredibles." They aren't big enough for their feet to touch the floor, but big enough for their feet to kick the back of your seat the entire time.
Incredible.
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 08:57 AM
PEACE, people leaving their trash everywhere also bugs me. I find it so disgusting, often I don't even put my feet on the floor. I don't understand why they can't help out and toss their trash in the garbage when leaving. I'm guessing that moviegoers think it's ok, because the theater has hired someone to make sure the theater is clean before the next showing.
I don't agree with doing it at the ballpark either. It's just lazy.
Posted by: Matissta | May 22, 2009 at 09:34 AM
I hear ya, Matiss -- but what about the fact that there's about 50,000 folks in a small space, each of them with a pile of food the size of their seat? They'd need to put a garbage can in every row -- that would take up a paying seat, though. I think the managers of ballparks make more money by paying someone to pick up the trash than providing the space for actual trash cans where people are seated.
What do you think?
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 09:51 AM
My latest pet peeve has been people who are texting on their phones - those blue screens are damned bright in a dark theatre. I have, more than once, tapped the offender and told them "I can see that, please close it". They do, with a chastened expression. Then again, kiddo says I have a very good "evil glare", so perhaps I frighten them into it. Same treatment for seat kickers, altho I must admit that hasn't happened to me in a long time.
Could be that we typically go to a fairly new theatre, all stadium seating, yada-yada, so perhaps just too far to kick?
I totally agree that some movies are meant to be seen on the big screen - Star Trek was the latest one for us, even paid for the IMAX screen. Anyone use Rotten Tomatoes to decide if a show is worth the trip to the moviehouse?
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 10:11 AM
Besides, Matiss -- I'd be really bummed if I went to dump the trash and someone made a Grand Slam home run or winning touchdown, etc. and I totally missed it because I was being neat. I paid money to watch my team win. Also, I want to stand up and yell a lot. I'm not going to hold my empty beer barrel when I do that.
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 10:29 AM
The Sassistas! demon hit AGAIN this morning. I haven't been able to log onto this site for the last 1.5 hours. Matissta has been posting my comments. FYI -- I did send in a formal complaint to Typepad and my status is "Awaiting Staff Response." I won't hold my breath. Matiss -- we're going to need a RANT about this.
Chryso -- I never check "Rotten Tomatoes," but read many, many reviews. I find the reviews in The New Yorker to be the most reliable, though I also trust the reviews in Entertainment Weekly which is a lot less high falutin'.
Hope I never see your "evil glare". I'm told that I have quite a glare, too, plus that evil mouth of mine. Look out.
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 11:11 AM
Another pet peeve:
You pay your good money for tickets and the projection is not calibrated correctly and/or there's no sound . . . and the movie has already started.
I hate that. I always ask for my money back. Who knows? Something somebody said in the first 15 seconds might have been the key to the whole plot!
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 11:17 AM
Here's one that really peeves me off:
You pay your good money for tickets and then have to SIT AND WATCH COMMERCIALS THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY SEEN ON TV. I don't mind the previews, but why do I have to sit through soda or car commercials? If this is a focus group for your product, you should be paying ME.
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 11:20 AM
half-a, I remember being in line for "Life is Beautiful." The woman behind me said, "Oh, I hope it doesn't have a sad ending. I hate sad endings." Hello, it's a Holocaust film for Pete's sake! A happy ending?!
Flann along the same lines as your complaint. It also bothers me when people bring their young children to movies that aren't age appropriate. Not only does it often impact the audience negatively, but also the kids. I saw a film where there was quite a bit of violence and blood involved. I don't remember what it was rated but it was definitely inappropriate for children under 13. This child was around 4 yrs old. The kid screamed throughout the movie. I'm sure he had nightmares that evening.
Posted by: Matissta | May 22, 2009 at 11:54 AM
Matiss -- you told me about that movie experience. The movie was "Scarface" with Al Pacino -- doesn't "Scarface" kill someone with a chainsaw in that movie? Yikes!
How about this? The couple who come in when theater lights are going down and notice an empty seat in the middle of a long row and another empty seat closer to aisle where they are standing . . . and as the movie begins, whisper: "Could you all move over one seat so we can sit together?"
I never budge.
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 12:01 PM
Oh, Hell, I'll move over, what the hey. Who knows what happened to them, and it doesn't detract from my experience. Then again I don't see that many shows - maybe if I went more often, it might get on my nerves more?
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 12:49 PM
Hey, I know this is off-topic, but are all the Florida sistas/mistas staying dry with all the rain we've had this week? My cousin in Daytona has water infiltrating thru the walls/floors - which is just an amazing sight...
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 12:58 PM
Ohh, and those hearing aid malfunctions just go thru me like fingernails on a chalkboard. Never had that in a movie theatre, thank goodness, but have definitely had to suffer with it in church - you can see the whole congregation wincing except for the guilty party (what, who? me?)
I recall several times the minister will stop whatever's going on to get the person to fix the hearing aid (thank you!!)
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 01:02 PM
OK, so where did everyone go? To the movies?
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 01:53 PM
aw, geez, are we offline again?
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 01:54 PM
Flann and I recently when to see a stage performance. It was a matinee. We knew we were in trouble when we saw the bus roll in. We were the youngest ones there, and among the few who didn't need a cane or a walker to get around.
As soon as the curtain opened, the whistling began. It filled the entire theater. We weren't sure what it was at first, and then we realized. The poor guy in the FIRST row was diligently trying to tune in his hearing aid. It went on for about 10 minutes, during some of the most crucial parts of the play.
We thought nothing else could compare to that and then it happened. Some woman, 2 rows behind us, says to her friend (what she believes is a normal speaking voice, but it's really yelling), "I don't like her." About one of the characters. And then we hear, "I have no sympathy for him." About another character. Flann and I were in horror, because we knew that the actors could hear it as well. It was terrible.
Posted by: Matissta | May 22, 2009 at 01:56 PM
I am commenting from my iPhone. Yes, I ONCE AGAIN cannot access the site!
URGGG!!!
Posted by: Flannista | May 22, 2009 at 02:05 PM
I have noticed that too, Matissta - I don't know what happens, but we experienced it first hand when my mother-in-law lived with us- it's as though they've watched too much TV alone, and have had all their social graces sucked out of their head. They seem to forget that other people are present and sensitive to their behavior... (bleah!!)
Hopefully the actors were clued into the bluehair crowd and didn't take the remarks to heart.
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 02:14 PM
wow, really flooding in some areas of Florida, and it keeps RAINING!
Posted by: Chrysosistah | May 22, 2009 at 04:12 PM