Sassistas! Our dish on the social soup.

Not Knotting

It's the last day of June -- the traditional month for getting married. 

So perhaps it's only appropriate that yesterday, the Sassistas! woke up to an email from singlemommasista with this subject line: "A brave article."  Her email included a link to this article by Sandra Tsing Loh in the July-August Atlantic Monthly entitled, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off."  Singlemommasista -- recently divorced with two young children -- then wrote: "I'd love to hear what the Sassistas! nation thinks about this."

So sistas and mistas, here goes.  Because many of you don't even have time to read your grocery store list, let alone this blog or an article linked to one of its posts, following are the major points of Loh's article (which is actually a review of five books about marriage):

• After much therapy and tears, Loh is ending her marriage.  "In women's-magazine parlance, I did not have the strength to 'work on' falling in love again in my marriage."
• "Given my staggering working mother's-to-do list, I cannot take on yet another arduous home- and self-improvement project, that of rekindling our romance."
• "Why do we insist on marriage?  Sure, it made sense to agrarian families before 1900, when to farm the land, one needed two spouses, grandparents, and a raft of children.  But now that we have white-collar work washing machines, and our life expectancy has shot from 47 to 77, isn't the idea of lifelong marriage obsolete?"
• "Religious Americans are more likely to divorce than secular Swedes."
• "To work, to parent, to housekeep, to be the ones who schedule 'date night,' only to be reprimanded in the home by male kitchen bitches, and then, in the bedroom, to be ignored -- it's a bum deal.  And then our women's magazines exhort us to rekindle the romance.  You rarely see men's magazines exhorting men to rekindle the romance."
• Among Loh's recommendations for "high-revving women who are sexually frustrated," are "some sort of French arrangement where they have two men, the postfeminist model dad building shelves, cooking bouillabaise, and ignoring them in the home, and the occasional fun-loving boyfriend the kids never see."

These are, of course, the more stunning statements in the article, but you get the point.  Read that article along with this one entitled, "Why Your Marriage Sucks" by Amanda Fortini in yesterday's Slate, and you may want to, well . . . call the whole thing off.

I asked singlemommasista why she found the Loh article so compelling.  She responded:

I found the article compelling b/c:
 
A)    She said some things I think, but never say aloud, so “affirmed” is a good word.
B)     She was honest about a topic that is considered somewhat sacred and I admire that.
C)    It got me thinking about my future relationships and how it impacts my children.
D)    I sometimes feel like a “bad” person and this article alleviated that a bit.
 
Not sure on getting married.  I never say never, but I have to wonder why do it?  What, in all honesty, is the point?  It satisfies something for people and I get that, but it seems to have less relevance these days.
 
Again, I’m clearly cynical at the moment, but I’m happy, so please don’t mistake this as a bitter woman behind this email.

So Sassistas! nation -- what do we think?

Quiet Victory

Today, 250 gay leaders will join President Obama in the East Room of the White house to publicly commemorate yesterday's 40th anniversary of a police raid on the Stonewall Inn (pictured above), a gay bar in New York.  Following the raid was a series of spontaneous, violent demonstrations that became a defining event, marking the birth of the modern gay rights movement.

An article in yesterday's New York Times detailed how slow the White House has been to engage with gay issues, even as cultural acceptance of homosexuality increases across the country.  The Sassistas! have posted several times our hope that Obama will continue to overlook politics and more openly validate issues such as same-sex marriage.  At the same time, we recognize that he's got a lot on his plate right now.  So we are grateful to have a place at the table (at least today) to mark this milestone anniversary.

Speaking of milestones, two weeks ago today -- June 15 -- marked a new record for Flannista.  On that day, Flann surpassed her previous record of 4 years and 7 months for maintaining an intimate relationship.  Flann had shared the importance of this date with several beloveds, but the day came and went quietly.  Flann totally forgot about it . . . until reading about the anniversary of the Stonewall riots.  There were no spontaneous demonstrations.  No East Room ceremonies.  No newspaper headlines.  Just quiet gratitude that defining events can be as simple and sweet as shared laughter:

FLANNISTA:  Matiss, I'm such a loser!
MATISSTA:    Yeah, but you're my loser. 

OR

FLANNISTA:  Matiss, I'm so old and ugly.
MATISSTA:  Oh, come on now!  You're not ugly.

What's not to love? 

Exactly Me

“Nobody can be exactly me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.”

-- Tallulah Bankhead

The Sassistas! partied last night with neighbor, Sassley. Having a bit of trouble being ourselves this morning.

How about you?

Sooner

The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. 

-- Tallulah Bankhead

Discuss.

June 2009 Open Mic

The sassosphere microphone is open, sistas and mistas. 
Please step up and dish whatever you like.  We're listening.
For those new to the sassosphere, the Sassistas! sponsor
Open Mic the last Friday of every month.

Gut Punch

The Sassistas! don't think this is what the Republicans meant when they chanted "Drill, Baby, Drill!" at last summer's Republican National Convention.

Whaz goin' on with these guys?  Don't they know that the Republican Party is desperately seeking a few good -- and faithful -- leaders?

Last week, Sen John Ensign (R-Nev.) revealed that he had an extramarital affair with a campaign staffer who was a longtime friend of his wife and married to another Ensign aide.  The senator came forward to admit the affair only after his ex-mistress's husband approached a TV network to expose the scandal.

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford -- who yesterday admitted to an extramarital affair with a "dear, dear friend" in Argentina -- disappeared for days on end without disclosing his whereabouts, leaving his entire state leaderless and his family wondering where Daddy was on Father's Day.  When his wife revealed that she didn't know where Sanford was, his spokesman said he was off by himself hiking the Appalachian Trail.  Further, that Sanford often made last-minute trips alone to places like "Greece and Turkey." 

You think we were born and raised in gym socks?

It's hard to know where to direct the sass feed for this.  The Sassistas! are tempted to let all sass break loose and trample the Republican Party, particularly in light of the pious way some members preach family values (Ensign was a member of the fundamentalist Christian group for men, Promise Keepers).  Infidelity, however, is as rampant among Democrats -- need we mention Eliot Spitzer or Bill Clinton?

"It began very innocently," stammered Sanford yesterday at his news conference.  Why does it begin at all?  This week, Flannista's parents marked their 58th wedding anniversary.  Flann is certain that they've had their ups and downs, but somehow they've managed to remain faithful to one another.

If you were a consultant hired by the Republican Party to "right the sinking ship," what would you advise?

We're flummoxed.

Magic Fingers

Got some sad news, sistas and mistas.

Last week, the inventor of Magic Fingers died.

Jim Houghtaling (with the unfortunate pronunciation of "huff-tailing) was 92.

After a successful career as a salesman of vitamins and cookware, Houghtaling began working for a manufacturer of vibrating beds in the 1950s.  Finding the beds too expensive and unreliable, Houghtaling set out to make a cheaper and more effective model.

He patented a small, hand-size device that clipped onto a bed frame and produced a vibrating effect.  He traveled to motels throughout the country to demonstrate his invention, which was marketed under the slogan, "It quickly takes you into the land of tingling and relaxation and ease."

It cost 25 cents for 15 minutes (see image above) and the quarters quickly added up.  At the peak of its popularity, Magic Fingers could be found in 250,000 motel rooms and Houghtaling was taking in $2 million a month.  By the 1970s, however, vandals were breaking into Magic Fingers coin boxes, and motel owners found it increasingly costly to keep replacing them.  Today they operate from a magnetic strip on a card -- like a modern debit card.

The Sassistas! want to bring back the coin-operated Magic Fingers and clip them onto other things so we can make some extra income.  For example, we're thinking of clipping Magic Fingers onto the side of a pitcher of margarita ingredients.  Guests can then slip in a quarter, get a perfectly-mixed drink and voila!  In minutes, they are quickly taken into the land of tingling and relaxation and ease.

What other uses can you think of for the coin-operated Magic Fingers?  We're happy to divvy up our earnings.

Been Gone

The Sassistas! have been gone at SILVERDOCS 2009 for a week.  Where in the hell-o have YOU been? 

After breaking all kinds of records in the sassosphere during the first week in June for comments and sistas and mistas logging on, our stats plummeted by more than two-thirds last week.  Following is our excuse.  What's yours?

Last week, the Sassistas! were ALL OVER THE WORLD.  We were on the front lines of war in "Blood Trail" and riding in the passenger seat of Rio de Janiero drug-lord SUVs in "Dancing with the Devil."  We were in Zimbabwe with Michael Campbell and his family (picture above, left) in "Mugabe and the White African" and then in the village of El-Sayed, where the largest percentage of deaf live as documented in "Voices from El-Sayed."  Then we traveled to the infamous Oklahoma prison rodeo with "Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo" and the Bangor, Maine airport, greeting returning soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan in "The Way We Get By."  After the viewing, we greeted the senior citizens featured in "The Way We Get By" and asked for hugs.  We got HUGE ones.  We met the Mosher family (the sister pictured above, right) in "October Country" and realized that behind every dysfunctional family is one helluva documentary.  The tagline for this documentary could not be more true:  "Every family has its ghosts."

So we were ALL OVER THE WORLD.  But wait, there's more.  During the last week we were meeting folks we'll never forget. Like the 14-year-old star performer in the Copenhagen Royal Choir (pictured above, left), whose voice begins to change and must decide how to make an unexpected and graceful exit in "12 Notes Down."  We dare any of you to keep a dry eye during his last performance.  We've already posted about "Salt," but look at that image, above, right.  Could you live there for five straight weeks on a salt flat?  In that itty-bitty tent?

Hey, don't stop reading yet, because we also met Trimpin -- composer, instrument inventor, installation artist and engineering savant -- in "Trimpin: The Sound of Invention."  We saw him plan and perform a new performance piece with the Kronos Quartet. We met the cast of what is considered the worst movie ever made,"Troll 2" and laughed our butts off watching a documentary about it called, "The Best Worst Movie."

Yo!  Get back here, because you need to know about "Old Partner" (pictured above, left).  In the wagon is Mr. Lee, an old farmer living in a remote South Korean village with the most unlikely soul mate -- his 40-year-old ox.  We're still bawling about this one (yeah, we are).  And take a look at the breath-taking image from "The Cove" (pictured above, right).  All we can say is that we will NEVER, EVER AGAIN go to Sea World and implore each of you never to go to a park that features trained dolphins.  Please.

So that's where we've been.  What's your excuse?  One of you emailed Flannista last week and said, "When mama's away, we're away.  We need attention."  So that's it?  That's your excuse?: Mama's away.  The children will play? 

That's it?

So what were you doing?  And if what you were doing was turned into a documentary, what would be its title?

You there?  HELL-O-OH.  Where are you?  Come to mama.

Mine

If you're anything like the Sassistas!, you're a sucker for a good dog story.  We've got one for ya.

Late yesterday afternoon at SILVERDOCS, we viewed, "Mine", a heartbreaking but hopeful documentary of New Orleans residents who had to leave their pets behind during Hurricane Katrina.  Evacuees were told by shelters, hotels and law enforcement at the Superdome that animals were forbidden -- so hundreds of thousands of pets had to battle the storm on their own, left only with mountains of food and their owners' best wishes.  After the weather settled, rescue workers dedicated to saving pets came to the city and did indeed find plenty who survived (though about 150,000 perished).  They took pictures and scans of microchips to catalog the animals and reunite them with their families.  Some were successful, but some were not.  Many pets were adopted by other people, who either were too attached to give them up or thought that the original owners didn't deserve to get them back because they had "abandoned" them.

One such owner was Jesse (pictured right), whose beloved dog J.J. was adopted by folks in California who refused to give him back.  The film ended with the news that Jesse still wasn't able to retrieve J.J.  At the viewing yesterday, Jesse was a surprise guest in the audience and revealed that just two weeks earlier, he finally had been able to reunite with his beloved J.J.after a four-year separation.  Needless to say, there was instantaneous applause.

Of course, the Sassistas! were dabbing their eyes with tissues at this wonderful news.  Then, a Naval officer in the viewing audience stood up and shared that he still had not been able to recover his two dogs.  He had been working in downtown New Orleans when Katrina hit, and was forced to leave his pets which have since been adopted by new owners who refuse to return them. His voice breaking, the officer asked the filmmakers and Jesse, "What light can you shed on the fact that I can't get my dogs back?"

The director, Geralyn Pezanoski, responded simply, "I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry."

But Jesse looked directly at the officer and said, "I am your light.  Don't give up.  Don't give up on your dogs because they won't give up on you.  Don't give up."

"I am your light."  Now there's a line we never expected to hear in a setting such as this one.

We're still dabbing our eyes.

First Memory

To honor Father's Day, the Sassistas! offer this first memory from renowned documentary filmmaker Albert Maysles -- shared during the 2009 SILVERDOCS Guggenheim Symposium honoring his work. Maysles was asked, "What's the most important element in documentary filmmaking?"  He replied:

You must love your subject.  Nothing is more important in life than love.  The first memory I have of my father is when he had to take a strap to me.  I don't remember what I had done and, to tell you the truth, it didn't hurt all that much.  But moments later, while passing my parents' bedroom, I saw him leaning up against a wall, his head in his hands, sobbing.  I knew then that my father loved me whether or not he ever again said the words, "I love you."