Yesterday, Flannista paid $752.44 for two new pair of boots. And they weren't the kick-ass Prada boots that Flann has been coveting ever since she learned that her rocker goddess, Patti Smith, wears them.
Nope, they were boots for the front axles of Flann's 2000 Subaru Forester. Each axle needs two pair of boots. Seems like one or two of them were leaking essential, car-moving oil -- see that drip of oil on the left? They may have been damaged from something tossed up from the road or just from being nearly a decade old. Her "Service Advisor" (that's what his card says) from Rising Sun Motors said that the boots on the opposite side looked fairly worn, too. He counseled the following: replacing ALL the boots on both axles for $825; or replacing BOTH axles AND their accompanying boots for $695.
"Less labor," he said, in his typically laconic way. I repeated back to him what he said: "You mean I can replace just the boots for $825 or replace the axles AND the boots for $695?"
"That's right," he replied.
There's something about this Service Advisor's straightforward approach that Flann really likes. Curious to see if he had more than a two-word answer to a question, Flann asked: "If my Subaru cost about $20,000 when I bought it, how big would the cost be to replace every single part?"
"Way huge," he said.
"I hardly ever drive this car," Flann said, attempting once again to get more than a two-word response. "Why is that bad for a car?"
"Dry rot."
Is this guy a genius or what? I told him that I would be posting today about my car repair and would send him the link. "Will you read it, if I email it to you?" I asked.
"Will do."
My Rising Sun Service Advisor said, "please, don't" when I asked if I could use his actual name in this post, so let's just refer to him as The Wizard.
Anyhoo, The Wizard has inspired me to think that when you get right down to it, most profound dilemmas and soul-searching questions can be answered with two words. So think about that. Post a HUGE question about life (or whatever) and how The Wizard would respond.
Here's what I mean:
QUESTION: Does God exist?
WIZARD ANSWER: Who cares?
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:02 AM
QUESTION: How far do lizards jump?
WIZARD ANSWER: Really far.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:02 AM
(As an aside, you all need to know that now that I own some kick-ass cowboy boots, I don't quite covet Patti Smith's Prada kick-ass boots as much as I once did. Only Patti Smith's kick-ass talent and attitude.)
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:04 AM
QUESTION: If God is a loving God, how do you explain Hitler?
WIZARD ANSWER: The devil.
QUESTION: And if one doesn't believe in the devil?
WIZARD ANSWER: So what?
QUESTION: But aren't these life-and-death questions?
WIZARD ANSWER: Not really.
QUESTION: So how do you explain evil?
WIZARD ANSWER: Shit happens.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:14 AM
QUESTION: You are a psychiatrist and your patient has just confided to you that he intends to kill a woman. You're inclined to dismiss the threat as idle, but you aren't sure. Should you report the threat to the police and the woman or should you remain silent as the principle of confidentiality between psychiatrist and patient demands? Should there be a law that compels you to report such threats?
WIZARD ANSWER: Don't care.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:24 AM
QUESTION: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
WIZARD ANSWER: Let's eat.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:25 AM
QUESTION: I bet nowayasista that I could get you to answer a profound question using more than the two words he usually uses. What do you think about that?
WIZARD ANSWER: You lose.
QUESTION: Are you kidding me?
WIZARD ANSWER: Noway rocks.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:34 AM
QUESTION: Can I ask you a few more questions about dry rot?
WIZARD ANSWER: Time's up.
QUESTION: How many times have you been married?
WIZARD ANSWER: Too many.
QUESTION: So, how do you feel about Rush Limbaugh?
WIZARD ANSWER: Serious idiot.
QUESTION: Do you believe in God?
WIZARD ANSWER: Amen, sister.
QUESTION: What do you do if an irate customer approaches you?
WIZARD ANSWER: Kick ass.
Posted by: On-a-Journey Sista | September 24, 2009 at 06:45 AM
QUESTION: On-A-Journey Sista is very quick and clever. To what do you attribute that?
WIZARD ANSWER: Her genes.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 06:52 AM
QUESTION: So, what is your favorite TV show?
WIZARD ANSWER: No TV.
QUESTION: If you did have a TV, what would you like to watch?
WIZARD ANSWER: American Idol
QUESTION: Why American Idol?
WIZARD ANSWER: Why not?
QUESTION: What is your favorite movie?
WIZARD ANSWER: Liar Liar
QUESTION: What do you like most about Liar Liar?
WIZARD ANSWER: Can't tell.
QUESTION: Who is your favorite singing group?
WIZARD ANSWER: Dixie Chicks
QUESTION: What do you say to a kid who is finicky at the dinner table?
WIZARD ANSWER: Eat this!
Posted by: On-a-Journey Sista | September 24, 2009 at 07:06 AM
QUESTION: What would you say to On-a-Journey who needs to stop posting and get ready for work?
WIZARD ANSWER: Beat it.
Posted by: On-a-Journey Sista | September 24, 2009 at 07:08 AM
One more for the road.......
QUESTION: So what do you think of the Sassistas! blog?
WIZARD ANSWER: Ha! Ha!
Posted by: On-a-Journey Sista | September 24, 2009 at 07:13 AM
QUESTION: What is .23 in base 5? I know that 6 in base 5 is 11, 7 is 12 and so on. Would .23 be the same in base 5 as it is in base 10?
WIZARD ANSWER: Just as .23 means 2/10 + 3/100, so when we express a number less than 1 in base 5, say the number .342 (base 5), we mean 3/5 + 4/25 + 2/125. If we let .23 = a/5 + b/25 + c/125 then multiplying both sides by 5 . . . .
QUESTION: Hey, wait a minute, that's more than a two-word answer!
WIZARD ANSWER: That's math.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 07:17 AM
QUESTION: Can you explain this famous koan? ""Two hands clap and there is a sound; what is the sound of one hand?"
WIZARD ANSWER: Ask PEACEsista.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 07:21 AM
QUESTION: Stock or bonds?
WIZARD ANSWER: Asset allocation.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 07:34 AM
QUESTION: Does realizing that, from the viewpoint of an evolving planet with six billion years still to run, we are not much more than amoebae, make it easier to accept that we do not possess free will? And if so (and even if not so), does this make it easier to die?
WIZARD ANSWER: We'll see.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 07:37 AM
QUESTION: Do you know what On-A-Journey would like to say to Flannista?
WIZARD ANSWER: Love you.
Posted by: On-a-Journey Sista | September 24, 2009 at 07:43 AM
QUESTION: What makes men like Craig, Ensign, Sanford, Spitzer and Clinton so stupid when it comes to sexual affairs?
WIZARD ANSWER: Hot pants.
WIZARD ANSWER: Dick brains.
WIZARD ANSWER: Raging Hormones.
QUESTION: Does God exist?
WIZARD ANSWER: Who cares?
QUESTION: No, seriously, does God exist?
WIZARD ANSWER: Who cares?
QUESTION: No, I really want to know the answer.
WIZARD ANSWER: Dumb ass!
Posted by: half-a-sista | September 24, 2009 at 08:08 AM
QUESTION: Is fire energy or matter?
WIZARD ANSWER: Not matter.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 08:26 AM
QUESTION: The population of a country increased by an average of 2% per year from 2000 to 2003. If the population of this country was 2,000,000 on December 31, 2003, then the population of this country on January 1, 2000, to the nearest thousand would have been . . . .
WIZARD ANSWER: About 1,848,000.
QUESTION: How in the world did you know that?
WIZARD ANSWER: Lucky guess.
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 08:30 AM
QUESTION: What would a day be like without Sassistas!?
WIZARD ANSWER: Very boring ;-)
Posted by: Chrysosistah | September 24, 2009 at 08:38 AM
BREAKING NEWS SASS!!!
Earlier this morning, Flannista did indeed send a link to this post to her Rising Sun "Service Advisor". Just got an email from The Wizard. It said:
"Loved it!!"
Posted by: Flannista | September 24, 2009 at 08:38 AM
LOL! It *IS* a very clever post - so funny! Thanks for a bright start to the day!
Posted by: Chrysosistah | September 24, 2009 at 08:46 AM
QUESTION: What words of advice would you give to On-A-Journey in order for her to start working and stop posting on Sassistas!?
WIZARD ANSWER: Pink slip.
Posted by: On-A-Journey Sista | September 24, 2009 at 09:10 AM
QUESTION: What is your personal opinion about Sassistas!?
WIZARD ANSWER: Like buttah.
Posted by: Jerseysista | September 24, 2009 at 09:13 AM