It's a Gas

Honestly, we've tried not to go there. We launched Sassistas! about 19 months ago and have always talked ourselves out of going there.  We promise. But three times in five days . . . we have no choice but to post something.

Do we need to actually spell it out?  Let's say it another way: Passing gas. Cutting the cheese. Breaking wind. 

How do we handle it in a public setting?

Last Friday, flying home from Orlando -- after a First Class upgrade -- SOMEone cut loose in the First Class cabin.  Flannista looked around.  It wasn't Flann (though sometimes it is). Who was it? Everyone looked normal, reading the morning paper and sipping their coffee flavored with Bailey's.

Then Saturday, at an afternoon movie matinee, someone sitting next to Matissta . . . let it fly. In Matissta's words, "It was like he was at home and no one was around."  Flann -- two people away -- heard it.  We pretended like it was nothing, but it WAS.  It was something big.

Then yesterday, while Flann was commuting from her home to downtown DC in a very crowded subway car . . . someone cut loose. We all pretended like it was nuthin'. Is that what we should do?  Pretend like nuthin' happened?

What IS the appropriate "passing gas" etiquette? Please let us know.  

Comments

[Flannista]

Well, I had to google the topic.

A year ago someone posted this on Yahoo Answers:

"When you have to fart & you are in public, in a crowd or at the dinner table, what is proper?

"do i walk away & if so how long should i wait before returning so it don't follow me back?"

The questions were posted precisely like that. Yahoo then posted the "Best Answer" chosen by the "Asker". Here it is:

*****
May I answer this question with an example of a lack of fart etiquette?

I was at a baseball game one hot summer and a fat guy I was standing next to at the game was eating cheese curds, and without any fair warning, he completely ripped butt.

This was not a soft, sneaky bit of flatulence. This was a loud, rude thunderbolt of a fart, one that could be heard from far away. People actually looked over after the fart, and while I know everyone could easily tell it was the unkempt fat man who had broken wind and not me, that's not the point. The point is that this man farted, and felt no need to warn me ahead of time.

Is it so hard to tap me on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me, but I think I'm going to blow butt. You might want to step away for a moment." I even would have accepted notification by way of that old "Here comes a fart" song. You know, the one that goes "Quiet please, everybody freeze, duh duh duh da duh duh", followed by a fart? It's childish, but as soon as he got done with saying "everybody freeze", I would have realized the danger.

Granted, it's not like he held me down and farted on me, but he was still rude. The least he could have done was clench himself and let out a squeaker. Didn't this man's mother raise him right? If I were to stand next to my mother and rip a nasty, she'd beat me to high hell.

If this were a Communist country, and I were its leader, I would ban public farting. Much like smoking, I wouldn't care what people did in the comfort of their own home, just as long as their pooty poot fun time wasn't made public domain.

I would also have a gigantic commie palace with monkey butlers as my servants, but that's a different story.
*****

I don't know about you, but I'm not satisfied with this answer. A bit too smart-alecky for my taste. I am now going to google "Emily Post + farts in public spaces" and "Miss Manners + farts in public spaces."

I'll report my findings throughout the day.

[Flannista]

Okay, I was once at a fancy-schmancy dinner party with four couples who really didn't know each other all that well. The gas emitter was the hostess -- a lovely elderly woman who was wearing a lovely chiffon dress fit for the Queen's garden party. She simply said, "Excuse me." No one else commented and the dinner continued.

My companion and I laughed like hell about it afterwards, but I recall that as one way to deal with public flatulence.

[Flannista]

Here is another online musing from "Ask Metafilter":

*****
Is it best just to pretend it didn't happen (my current tactic), or is an apology in order? (I think not, unless the smell is atrocious, simply due to the awkwardness such an apology would engender in the opposite person. How does one accept an apology for flatulence?)

Is it best not to bring it up verbally, but to widen by at least a small amount of space between yourself and the individual, so as to minimize olfactory offense? (Done when the offense is bad.)

It's not exactly a facile topic of conversation, despite the fact that most of us do it . . . . It's societally unacceptable, in most situations, to talk about flatulence, so as a result there's not much discussion as to how to minimize embarrassment surrounding it.
*****

The Sassistas! want to know this: IS it societally unacceptable to talk about flatulence? A person can take an assault rifle to a town hall meeting where the President is speaking, but can't discuss audible flatulence? Them's the rules?

[Matissta]

Growing up with 3 brothers, bathroom humor was a favorite topic among them. Now, I have Flann to continue the tradition. If you haven't guessed already, this is one of her favorite topics.

I personally don't know what the proper etiquette is, but I know that it's not to let one go in a movie theater, especially if someone is sitting next to you. And especially, one should never pass gas in an elevator. For the love of Pete, have some mercy!

At a dinner party, I probably would excuse myself from the table.

Flann, I'm wonder if we will be the only ones passing, um I mean, posting comments today...

[Flannista]

Well, Matiss, I don't think I would go so far as to call it one of my FAVORITE topics as much as I would call it a topic critical to our country's national security. I do know how to prioritize.

If it ends up just being the two of us "passing" comments, we'll have least proven the point that it is societally, er, sassietally unacceptable to talk about flatulence. For 19 months, we've agonized and agonized about whether or not to post on this topic. Each time it came up (or out), we talked ourselves out of it, saying that as serious bloggers, we should NEVER let go (at least in public) and continue to hold ourselves to the highest possible reporting standards. But three instances in five days of public flatulence -- and that's just the two of us -- can only mean an epidemic.

It is our duty to save as many people as we possibly can.

[Jerseysista]

Shee-e-e-sh! (Or, is that Che-e-e-se?)

[Jerseysista]

Any one remember the rhyme, "Beans, beans, the musical fruit/ The more you eat the more you toot"?

[Jerseysista]

I came across this serendipitously this morning. (Honest, I was not Googling flatulence.)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32649198/ns/us_news-weird_news/

[Chrysosistah]

Well, I for one had no idea this was one of Flann's favorite topics. It's so NOT the topic in our house I'm not even sure how others handle it. We apparently all either get it taken care of in the bathroom or it's silent (but not deadly). Haven't been assaulted much in public, so everyone I deal with must be good clenchers (probably the case) or not have gas. Although having gas is perfectly normal. Yes, ignoring it must be the common solution (well, really, what are you going to do, spray Lysol at them?)

Armaggedon!! :-)

[Chrysosistah]

That Yahoo Best Answer was hilarious, except I have no idea what songs they were referencing. Yes, absolutely know the beans, beans song - Kiddo was very proud that he got to teach it to all the younger campers this summer....

[babysis]

I think it's a worthy topic, and high time we covered it. My personal rule is if it's uncontainable and audible, I would simply say, "excuse me." Among dearest family or friends, sometimes a warning announcement is in order, or in the car, we roll the window down and back up in a minute or so. In other public settings, I agree that you can't do much but ignore, or perhaps make faces and roll your eyes.

I know a man who apparently never learned the clenching technique, or is incapable of silent stinkers. I know this man well enough that I have at least convinced him to say "excuse me" as a small consolation in manners.

[PEACEsista]

I had four brothers and a dad who thought that farts were hilarious: "pull my finger." I now know that we were exceptionally rude, be it in the confines of our own home, or car, as the case may be.

Being raised thinking farts were funny, no one prepared me at yoga teacher school for having to check my emotions and continue teaching a peaceful class after someone rips one, which is a fairly common occurrence. Standard protocol is to ignore it. When teaching kids, they will usually not let the incident go unheralded and I would sometimes say, "Yoga is very stimulating to digestion and assimilation," which it IS ... so I suspect that there are a lot of clenchers in many elder classes. Students definitely learn not to eat before yoga class, to avoid a public incident.

[babysis]

Here's a personal fav - a blast from the past:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EVTVc11x-8

[Flannista]

The sassosphere runneth over with wisdom!

I just sat and read all the comments and am feeling so grateful that the 'sphere contains so much thoughtfulness. It's more like courage, actually, to fearlessly stare a topic straight in the butt and comment. Thank you.

Jersey -- that MSNBC link is providential. Yes, I believe folks should be fined for stinkin' up crowded places, but that would be the first time I get a ticket for anything. Would serve me right.

Chryso -- I love the Lysol spray sassgestion and plan to start carrying it when I commute (good for swine flu evasion as well). I won't be able to get it through TSA, however, but I do think that filling the air with the smell I most love in the morning is a perfect solution.

babysis -- you already know how much I admire your spiritual acumen which shines in your comment. "Worthy topic" and "high time we covered it" -- wonderful affirmation. Thank you. I also love the adjectives, "uncontainable and audible." This is precisely the type of direction the Sassistas! were seeking on this worthy topic.

PEACE -- thank you for adding not only another family perspective, but also the perspective of a seasoned yoga instructor. Question: doesn't "clenching" defeat the purpose of yoga? Please advise.

[Flannista]

babysis -- my mouth was full of coffee when I clicked on your link and I nearly spit it onto the monitor laughing my butt off.

WONderful. You are a spiritual GIANT.

[PEACEsista]

Yes, but farting in class also defeats the purpose of yoga.

[Flannista]

And that purpose is to smell "relaxed", PEACE? What does that smell like? How does farting in yoga class defeat its purpose?

[Chrysosistah]

OK, babysis, I'll see your video and raise you one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwwW4xSsBMs

[Chrysosistah]

Flannista, are you telling me you've never taken a yoga class? To do it right, you're supposed to exercise all your muscle groups, holding firm & tight, really grounding yourself. Yes, standing rule to not eat 2 hours before class, because eating stimulates the digestive system (duh). I've been in classes that smelled like locker rooms, but have been blessed that no gaseous odors have knocked me over so far. Since you're also, in addition to the physical work, supposed to be meditating, that's what would be disruptive - although a good laugh every now and then would help too ;-)

[Chrysosistah]

Maybe this is what you're supposed to do after yoga?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8U0HxhR2Bc

[Flannista]

MOVE OVER, BABYSIS!

Chryso -- I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. Sweet Jesus, I needed that! Your first link, especially -- I laughed so hard my sides hurt. It was also great seeing "Cagny & Lacy" again.

THANK YOU, SWEET CHRYSO. You have the bar very, very low! I don't believe anyone can bottom it.

[Chrysosistah]

Hee-hee ;-) I knew it was worthy when I cried from laughing too!

[Chrysosistah]

Definitely worst time to fart:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4gK3RRtCHw

[Jerseysista]

O, I laughed til I cried on that Cagney & Lacey one. What a toot.

[babysis]

Give me time, I may have to phone a friend. There's another good clip out there I can't quite recall. I knew I could get things moving, as they say.