Vegas On Water

She is one big mother.

Pictured above is Oasis of the Seas, a passenger ship that arrived in a new terminal in Port Everglades last week while Flannista was in Florida.  Flann could see it from her Orlando hotel room a hundred miles away.  Just kidding, but Oasis of the Seas is longer, taller, wider, heavier and more expensive than any other passenger ship ever built.  It's five times the size of the Titanic and more than half again as large as the mammoth Queen Mary.  A piece of it had to be retracted just so it could squeeze under a bridge and make it out to the Atlantic.  On its 18 decks, a crew of 2,165 will tend to as many as 6,296 paying customers, nearly 45 percent more than the largest cruise ships now operating.  Oasis of the Seas also boasts:

• 15 decks with four main swimming pools, a park promenade, surf simulators, rock climbing and miniature golf.
• A 1,300-seat theater (larger than some on Broadway) and an ice rink.
• The Boardwalk designed to be a cutting-edge Coney Island with a hand-crafted carousel in the middle.
• A zip line where guests can ride down while suspended nine decks above The Boardwalk.
• Central Park (pictured right) which has 12,175 plants, 62 vine plants, 56 trees and bamboo plants, some 24 feet high.
• Several casinos, of course.
• The Rising Tide, the first moving bar at sea that descends three decks from Central Park to the Royal Promenade (where guests enter the ship).
• The first cupcake shop at sea.

The Sassistas! could go on an on, of course.  We've never been on a cruise and don't know if this one is worth it.  Rates start a $729 per person double occupancy for a seven-night cruise.  For high-rollers, the two-level, four-person Royal Loft suite starts at $19,276 (total price for four guests) and maxes out at $34,376.  We assume this includes cupcakes.

Any of you ever go on a cruise?  What did you like about it?  What didn't you like about it?  Would you book a cruise on Oasis of the Seas?  Why or why not?

Comments

[Flannista]

I've never before wanted to go on a cruise for ANY reason, but that cupcake shop is giving me pause.

[half-a-sista]

I'm not the person to talk to about going on a cruise. I liked being on the ocean and sitting on my balcony watching the water and the birds. I did not enjoy the constant vibrations which make me feel like I was trembling morning, noon, and night.

Every morning I watched my orange juice vibrate in the glass until I thought it would froth from the shaking. I didn't enjoy my fellow cruisers, except for the people I was with. Too much drinking. Too much eating. And wet t-shirt contests for middle-aged men and their wives...too much, too much, too much. Even worse was having no place to hide from them and their "merriment."

I wouldn't go on a cruise again except on sailing ship with real sails and a small crew and even smaller passenger list.

[half-a-sista]

Oh, and no cupcakes, but even cupcakes couldn't entice me to go on another cruise.

And the "hidden" charges for things. That annoyed me. You had to give them your credit card and they kept trying to sell things to you. At the end of the cruise, I found out that, in addition to the money I tipped the people who cared for my cabin, they had charged me a "reasonable" fee for tips for the ship personnel. I didn't mind the money as much as the underhanded way in which they did it.

As I was disembarking, a nice couple behind me asked, "Did you enjoy your cruise? Was it your first?" I told them it was my first cruise and I had been disappointed by it. The woman looked at me and smiled. "Honey, this isn't a good cruise line. You should have gone XXXXX." (I can't remember the name.)

I wanted to ask, "Where were you when I spent all that money?"

[Flannista]

Thanks for sharing your cruise experiences, half-a. I've heard them called "Buffet Barges" and that is one reason I refuse to go on one. I would be tempted to "get my money's worth" (I'm my mother's kid, after all) and would attend every buffet offered, even those decadent midnight ones. My parents have gone on several cruises and always came back reporting a 5-10 pound weight gain -- in just FIVE days! How is that even possible?

[Flannista]

Any one in the 'sphere ever been to Las Vegas?

I was there once to conduct a creativity workshop for a client. I would not have chosen to go there, and I will never go back.

It was, for me, hell on earth. As soon as I stepped out of the cab at the Paris Hotel (the one with a replica of the Eiffel Tower outside) I heard this loud din in the air. At first I thought my ears were ringing, but then I realized that what I was hearing was the aggregate sound of millions of slot machines going, "Ding, ding, ding!" It was stunning. As I walked into the hotel, I held the door open for a gray-haired senior citizen in a wheelchair, complete with oxygen tank, and what looked like her chauffeur. He pushed her up to a slot machine, handed her a large plastic cup full of quarters and said, "See you in four hours."

[half-a-sista]

something very weird just happened when I tried to post a comment. It could be something I did so I will try again.

[half-a-sista]

I will chalk that problem up to "User Error".

You could gain 30 pounds on a cruise because you can eat any time of the day or night. The free food is available most all day. Fortunately the food was not that great on the cruise I went on.

Love Las Vegas. It is the adult theme park of the world. From my hotel room I could see the Chrysler Building, the Eiffel Tower, the pyramid at Luxor, Camelot.

My first visit I watched a man beg his wife (in tears) to sign for a second mortgage on their house so he could win back all the money he had lost the night before. "I feel lucky, honey, please." He kept repeating that over and over again as she cried. The load officer held the pen out to her and said, "You know, you don't have to sign." The shuttle to the airport came before I saw the end of that drama.

[Flannista]

You know what this huge cruise ship reminds me of?

Remember that scene in WALL-E of the Buy n Large luxury spaceship where humans spend centuries getting fat after mass consumerism has left the Earth a polluted mess? That's the image I saw when I read the description of Oasis of the Seas.

[Flannista]

I haven't had any problems posting so far this morning. I have a feeling that Mike who posted on yesterday's post actually was a Typepad technician. Man, did he get a nasty email from me prior to his posting. Guess it scared him. (Sorry, Mike.)

Another Vegas story: as you know, I am Boring Girl and am usually snoozing by 9 pm. One night at that Paris Hotel I noticed some guys playing black jack (I think) at a table near the elevator I took to get to my room. It was about 8:30 p.m. At 5 a.m. the next morning when I went to work out, the same men were still at the same table, clearly drunk, but still slurring out, "Hit me."

[frida]

I might like to go on a boat to see birds or glaciers.

Love the descriptions of half-a's trip. Sorry that happened to you...Las Vegas sounds like a bad cruise...but going there is a cheap way to get to the Grand Canyon, maybe.

Flannista, how is your Peace search going?

[babysis]

This stuff isn't my cup o' tea, for sure. I have been on one cruise, and it was before the current rage of super large and extravagant ones. My parents took my sister and I on a cruise to the Bahamas on the Leonardo da Vinci, a cruise ship with an Italian crew. We were underage, so we could only order virgin drinks, but thought that was pretty cool. I recall watching the James Bond movie, "Live and Let Die" while aboard. Other than that, I remember lots of good food, and thinking what Nassau had to offer I could find across the tracks in my hometown. The best memory of the cruise was the cheap compliments from the Italian crew: "ciao, bella."

Gambling holds even less appeal to me, so the glitz of Vegas doesn't call me. I'd rather see the real destinations than the imitations, as magnificent as they may be.

The zip line sounds like the most interesting feature of this ship, but again, I'd rather it be in a real jungle.

[Flannista]

frida -- if I ever took a cruise, it would be to Alaska or the Antarctic. I biked Alaska in 1997 and have always wanted to go back. Loved it much more than Hawaii. And flying into Las Vegas is indeed a cheap way to get to the Grand Canyon, but that would be the only reason I would fly there. Even the airport has slot machines.

Thanks for asking about my "peace" search, frida. My beloveds were so generous over the weekend. I plan to incorporate much of what was suggested. Some comments triggered other ideas. For example, Chryso posted a Tori Amos quote and it reminded me of her song, "Silent All These Years," which I may incorporate into the ceremony. If you have any more ideas, frida, please let me know in a separate email. Thanks much.

[Flannista]

Thanks for posting, babysis. That Leonardo da Vinci cruise actually sounded interesting. Like half-a, I've always wanted to set sail on a large sail boat and have responsibilities like scrubbing the deck, etc. as a vacation. I wonder if Matissta would, too.

I know PEACE and noway did a zip line in the jungles of Central or South America (I can't remember where) and that appealed to me. Does the fact that Oasis of the Sea has "Adults Only" zones appeal to you, babysis. It also has "Youth Zones" -- one of those zones has an adventure science lab designed for kids ages 3 to 11. Seems to me your boys might like that.

[babysis]

I'm really not that germ phobic on the continuum, but the few instances of food poisoning on cruises does concern me. Something about those Zones you mentioned just makes my skin crawl too. The best science lab is outside, is it not?

I'm not saying I wouldn't go and enjoy a cruise if someone gave me one, but I don't think I'd spend my own bucks on one. There are just too many other things I'd rather do instead.

[Chrysosistah]

I don't think I can explain it, but I find most of those cruise ships to be repellant. Most aren't US-flagged, because they don't want to be bound by our laws or rules (which creeps me out). The very occasional stories we hear of crimes on board really bother me. I have no desire to pig out, or sun (can't). Besides, I get motion-sickness pretty easily. So, no, you won't catch me on those things any time soon (although I will admit a serious temptation to take an Alaskan cruise!).

Yes, as you know, finally saw LV this summer. I had totally forgotten that they smoke like fiends out there. Really made me wonder why they don't have at least ONE casino that is smoke-free? Yes, the din of gambling is prevalent, but we found plenty to do that wasn't on the gaming floor. I really enjoyed the Cirque shows we saw -- they were fantastic, frankly. I don't regret the trip, but I don't need to go back (except for the natural wonders, like the Grand Canyon, etc., that are nearby).

[Flannista]

I hear you, babysis.

So why are cruises so popular? They seem to be awfully expensive. If you want to eat a lot, just go to an all-you-can-eat buffet at Shoney's for $7.95. Eat at one near the ocean so you don't miss out on the salt air.

Also, I once started to watch that HBO documentary about Rosie O'Donnell's all-gay-family-cruise. I didn't last 10 minutes. How often can you watch Rosie walk the deck greeting gay families and their kids or watch her introduce a Broadway show retrospective dressed in a sailor outfit?

THIS IS MY SECOND ATTEMPT TO POST THIS. I'M GETTING THE SAME ERROR PROBLEM AS YESTERDAY. MIKE AT TYPEPAD IS GOING TO BE SORRY TO HEAR FROM ME AGAIN.

[Flannista]

Testing, testing.

[Flannista]

Any one else getting that "error"/freezing up thing that happened over the weekend?

[Chrysosistah]

Fortunately, not so far. But I'm on IBM-style computer now, not Mac. No idea if that makes a difference?

[Justista]

Hey, hey, hey, what is this Vegas-bashing. I will ignore it for now and talk about cruising.

I LOVE CRUISING! For three years in a row, my husband and I have gone on Dave Koz's Smooth Jazz Cruise. Twice to the Mexican Riviera and once to the Carribbean. We stopped getting off the boat because it was more fun on the boat. The musicians all stay on the cruise (with family and friends) for the whole cruise and they have jam sessions all day and little events like "Making Mojitos with David Benoit" or "Basketball with Waymon Tisdale (RIP). Then every night there is a great concert and musicians who were not scheduled walk up to the stage to join in. I usually lose a little weight although I drink massively (we smuggle in bottles of Gentleman Jack in Elgin's cowboy boots). But they have yoga and running on deck and treadmills. So there you have it! It's a little more expensive because you're paying for the music but we get a room with a balcony so we can have cocktails outside. The passengers on these cruises are not normal AARP types as you may suspect.

I have been on two cruises with my old legless Daddy when he had one leg. We went on a 100-passenger boat to Russia and Sweden and Norway. I like the smaller ship a lot. Then we went on a really fancy ship that started in Monte Carlo and ended up in Venice stopping at all the little ports on the way. I learned that many handicapped and elderly people (who have money) are going on 2-3 month cruises because of the ease of getting around. You have movies, card games, restaurants all in the same place.

I don't like theme nights like "wear your pajamas to the late night jam" or Mexican night. Sometimes I completely fabricate who I am when I sit in the bar and talk with a fellow passenger.

I forgot one "cruise" with my father. When I was 13, I was the only female passenger on a freight ship from Liverpool to San Francisco (there's more to this story), and I got my period for the first time in the middle of the Sargaso Sea. I snuck out every night with the refuse wrapped in a piece of typing paper (I couldn't put it in the wastebasket for heaven's sake) and threw it over the side. I learned two days later that the things were flying in the open porthole and landing below deck on the crew's beds. Aaaargh -- I didn't show my face for a week.

[babysis]

Okay, I'll make an exception and cruise with Justista. But just wondering, has she reached menopause yet?

[Justista]

10 years ago. No worries, the crew can keep their windows open.

[Chrysosistah]

I'll go with you too, Justista - anyone who can admit to that's a friend of mine ;-)

[Flannista]

Make that three women, Justista. Bring extra Elgin cowboy boots.

Your cruising stories are priceless. Thanks so much for starting the sass off in such a singular way. It's Monday, after all, and we need the laughs.

[Flannista]

In addition to that cupcake shop, I just read that the Oasis of the Seas "is equipped with the most advanced wastewater purification systems." That's good news for Justista, babysis, Chryso and me.

(THIS IS MY THIRD ATTEMPT TO POST THIS COMMENT.)