Over the weekend, Carolyn shared that while feeding her beloved pup, Murphy, a hot dog one morning, she began to sing the Armour Hot Dog song and couldn't get it out of her head. Remember that song? Click here to listen and sing along:
Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs
What kind of kids eat Armour Hot dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox
love hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs
The dogs kids love to bite!
Carolyn then said: "Is that the most politically incorrect advertising jingle you've EVER heard? I mean, 'sissy kids' and 'fat kids' and 'kids with chicken pox'? Would that ever make it past today's censors?"
The Sassistas! think Carolyn is asking a very good question. What do we need to change in this jingle to make it politically correct? And while you're thinking about that, what product jingles are embedded in your head and heart from your childhood or even today?
Unfortunately the sassosphere is without Carolyn's inimitable commentary on this unique post as she has headed off to Mississippi to be with her ailing father. She left me this email very early this morning:
"leaving.
prayers prayed.
light saber in hand.
shields activated.
loins girded.
scared, but whistling in the dark."
Seems like the beginning of a jingle to me. Travel blessings, Carolyn.
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 07:26 AM
Matissta and I seldom eat hot dogs. Every Saturday night in the winter when I was a kid, we roasted them in the downstairs fireplace. I can't remember if they were Armour or Oscar Mayer, which brings to mind another jingle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JadcbERnUSo
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 07:29 AM
I think we can safely surmise that it would not be politically correct to sing about "sissy kids."
Any ideas on how to "update" the lyrics to this Armour Hot Dog song?
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 07:31 AM
I have to run some errands for a bit, but will ponder this assignment. I love the original jingle as is, except for ketchup and mayo getting dissed in favor of mustard.
How did you come up with that Oscar Mayer clip? I'm assuming one of Sarah Palin's kids was somehow involved.
Posted by: babysis | February 04, 2010 at 09:46 AM
Thanks for sassing in, babysis, so I don't feel like I'm banging my sass against an empty wall. Lots of sistas and mistas have been running lots of errands since the beginning of the year. This happened last year about this time, too. I attribute it to the winter blah's or sass fatigue or something in the air, or simply more important stuff to tend to. All okay.
I wrote in my journal this morning that this must be (just a bit) what mothers go through when their kids grow up and find affirmation elsewhere, which is always a good thing. But it's a challenging thing when it's your source of affirmation. I'm trying not to be like my own mother and sell the house and move far, far away, pretending like the first 56 years of my life never happened.
Guess there's no jingle there. Just call me a tough kid.
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 09:55 AM
Yeah, those may have been Palin's kids, babysis.
By the way, Palin's off to the Tea Party Convention today, preparing to give her big KEYNOTE address at the SPECIAL DINNER TONIGHT FOR WHICH TICKETS ARE STILL AVAILABLE FOR ONLY $395!!!!!
Bet those TeaPees won't be dining on hot dogs.
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 09:57 AM
Here's another one that used to get stuck in my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxjb2UJZ-5I
Posted by: Jerseysista | February 04, 2010 at 10:07 AM
The one I still miss, though, is this one.
http://www.televisiontunes.com/Marlboro_Theme_(The).html
Posted by: Jerseysista | February 04, 2010 at 10:16 AM
Today's version:
Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs
What kind of kids eat Armour Hot dogs?
Wii kids, iPod kids, kids who text a lot
Cable kids, wi-fi kids, all those kids without a thought
love hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs
Your butt grows with each bite!
Posted by: Jerseysista | February 04, 2010 at 10:42 AM
Hey, Flannista. I have a miserable cold and will be offline. However, I was just thinking of the MacDonald's ditty the other day, the one for their Big Mac...
Have fun!
Posted by: Chrysosistah | February 04, 2010 at 11:01 AM
Somehow it just doesn't have the same memorable qualities (or should I say memorably-challenged):
Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs
What kind of age suppressed individuals eat Armour Hot dogs?
Gravitationally-challenged age-suppressed individuals, minimally-profile age-suppressed individuals, age-suppressed individuals who climb on igneous, sedimentary, or metamorphic mass of mineralized matter
Age-suppressed individuals capable of great endurance, testosterone-challenged age-suppressed males, even age-suppressed individuals afflicted with the varicella zoster virus
Strongly like hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs
The hot dogs age-suppressed individuals strongly like to ingest!
Posted by: Plantamista | February 04, 2010 at 11:10 AM
I'm surprised the last line wasn't transformed into "the canines age-suppressed individuals strongly like to seize with their teeth" ;-)
Posted by: Chrysosistah | February 04, 2010 at 11:18 AM
Seems Flann did indeed pack up the house and move away. Guess the sass today is leaving her uninspired . Matiss, you there?
Posted by: Jerseysista | February 04, 2010 at 11:29 AM
Oh, I'm here. I was down stairs lifting weights and doing my floor exercises. Matissta is, in fact, on a bunch of conference calls today and already alerted me earlier today that she would be not be around much.
Sorry about the miserable cold, Chryso. You know I NEVER get sick and kinda miss it. That stomach thing I had a couple of weeks ago was related more to my nerves than my cells. Hope Planta and Kiddo are taking good care of you. If I were there, I'd rent some "I Love Lucy" episodes so we could laugh our congestion (nasal, in your case, and psychological, in mine) away.
Kudsass to both Jersey and Planta (great to see your sass, again!) for their very creative sassgestions on how to make the Armour Hot Dog song more politically correct. Have to give Jersey the award for most singable. I like any song with the word, "butt" in it.
But I'm afraid Planta wins for this line that I wouldn't have thought up in a gadjillion years: "Gravitationally-challenged age-suppressed individuals, minimally-profile age-suppressed individuals, age-suppressed individuals who climb on igneous, sedimentary, or metamorphic mass of mineralized matter."
I just can't get "metamorphic mass of mineralized matter" outta my head. "Varicella zoster virus" runs a close second, and now I'm wondering if this is what caused Chryso's miserable cold.
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 11:40 AM
Chryso -- if you watch and listen to Jersey's 10:07 a.m. link, bet you'd feel a little bit better.
Why is that Seltzer kid so cute to me?
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 11:41 AM
This new version just in from the Center for Disease Control:
Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs
What kind of kids eat Armour Hot dogs?
Big kids, little kids, kids who climb in trees
Strong kids, weaker kids, even kids with HIV
love hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs
The dogs kids love to bite!
Posted by: PEACEsista | February 04, 2010 at 11:42 AM
Jersey -- how could such a disgusting, destructive product like cigarettes inspire such beautiful, sweeping music? Damn, I almost stood up and saluted the all-American Spam piggy bank here on my desk.
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 11:43 AM
PEACEsista -- I'm thinking that Chryso's miserable cold inspired your PC rewrite. Very funny, particularly rhyming HIV with trees.
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 11:45 AM
There ain't no music to this, but I still can't get this tagline outta my head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3N_skYSGoY
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 11:57 AM
Chryso -- I know you're under the covers, but is this the McDonald's Big Mac ditty you're referring to?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en4muUSIRT4
If it is, it's a lot easier to say, "metamorphic mass of mineralized matter".
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 12:01 PM
How about this commercial song? We'll NEVER forget how to spell this chocolate:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nyZ1-zwHGM
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 12:03 PM
Two come to mind, of course, revolving around food.
"I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener..."
I'm sure many adults were rolling on the floor at that one.
"My baloney has a first name it's O-S-C-A-R..."
Poor kid, he has so few friends he's on a first name basis with his baloney?
I also just realized that these were both Oscar Meyer products. Boy, their jingle writer must have been one of the best in the business!
Posted by: Matissta | February 04, 2010 at 12:51 PM
The soft drink industry has always battled for market shares with singing jingles:
COKE: "It's the real thing ...."
DR. PEPPER: "I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper ...."
I'm sure y'all can come up with some others!
Posted by: PEACEsista | February 04, 2010 at 02:18 PM
You're right, PEACE. Your last post reminded me to post this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mOEU87SBTU
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 02:25 PM
BREAKING NEWS SASS!
Jerseysista's comment at 10:07 this morning was the 19,000th comment made in the sassosphere! Congrats, Jersey. A Chimay for you. I don't think there's a jingle for that. Maybe I'll come up with an Armour Hot Dog song for beer drinkers.
Posted by: Flannista | February 04, 2010 at 02:58 PM