Seven weeks ago yesterday, the Sassistas! published a post entitled, "Mega Ending" -- a trailer for the movie, "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" that we were convinced was merely a trailer for a fake movie.
Well, we were wrong.
It was, in fact, a REAL trailer for a REAL movie. So we put the movie in our NetFlix queue and about a week later, watched it at Jerseysista's house, all of us sufficiently numbed by very good Patron tequila.
Because the Sassistas! know you need to know, here is a plot (and we are using the term very loosely) summary: two scientists accidentally discover a mega shark and giant octopus buried in ice under the sea. The ice breaks up (global warming, we assume) and the creatures are on the loose. They start hunting for food and bizarre incidents occur, like the Giant Octopus drags down an oil rig and the Mega Shark grabs a plane by the wings . . . a plane flying at 15,000 feet in air and plumbs it down into the ocean. What to do? What to do?
Well, what to do is to keep the action (again, a term we are using loosely) going, so the Sassistas! and Jersey made a record of the following actual lines in the movie. The challenge to all of you in the sassosphere is to create what line follows the actual movie line . . . the more bizarre, the better:
- "Does anyone have any forceps?" [MAKE UP THE LINE THAT OUGHT TO FOLLOW THIS ACTUAL LINE!]
- "There's something big out there. Really big."
- "These people can be very unpleasant when they don't get their way. Believe me, I know."
- "Your mother is my mother. We're brothers."
- "I looked into his eyes. Do you know what it looked like?"
- "Don't love the ocean too much, it doesn't love you back."
- "Listen, screw these environmentalists. When I give the order, shoot to kill!"
- "Now if we don't find the Bible means of stopping this f*cker, sharkzilla is gonna own the seas."
- "Those guys have been frozen in ice for millions of years. Wouldn't you be a little horny?"
- "Thrilla in Manila."
- "And you little lady, you've got a lot of mouth for someone who's career is all washed up."
- "It's not easy being brilliant under armed guard."
- "Holy sh!t!"
If you can't think of any lines, plug in OTHER famous movie lines and/or lines from famous poems, or Shakespeare (I know, noway, I know: Shake Be Gone), etc.:
Here's what I mean:
Line #2: "There's something big out there. Really big."
NEXT LINE: "We're going to need a bigger boat." (from "Jaws")
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 05:18 AM
Line #8: "Now if we don't find the Bible means of stopping this f*cker, sharkzilla is gonna own the seas."
NEXT LINE: "Guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."
(from "Airplane!")
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 05:29 AM
Line #9: "Those guys have been frozen in ice for millions of years. Wouldn't you be a little horny?"
NEXT LINE: "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 07:01 AM
Line #1: "Does anyone have any forceps?"
NEXT LINE could be Line #6: "Don't love the ocean too much, it doesn't love you back."
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 07:04 AM
Does anyone have any forceps?
NEXT LINE: Someone's taken the ice tongs again.
There's something big out there, really big.
NEXT LINE: It's King Kong.
These people can be very unpleasant when they don't get their way. Belive me. I know.
NEXT LINE: Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
Your mother is my mother. We're brothers.
NEXT LINE: I'm your brother, your father, your brother, your father. SLAP!!!
I looked into his eyes. Do you know what it looked like?
NEXT LINE: Supercalifragilisticexpealidosis.
Posted by: half-a-sista | March 02, 2010 at 07:22 AM
These are great, half-a-sista! I never even thought about Bible verses. That is very, very sasspired creativity. Thanks much.
Keep 'em coming.
I'm thinking of looking at news headlines to see if any of them might work as next lines. But I don't think I can top holy writ.
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 07:26 AM
"Those guys have been frozen in ice for millions of years. Wouldn't you be a little horny?"
NEXT LINE: Get away from her, you bitch!
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 07:41 AM
"Listen, screw these environmentalists. When I give the order, shoot to kill!"
NEXT LINE: Johnny Weir never regretted that order. It meant he got to wear fox fur whenever he wanted.
"Holy sh!t!"
NEXT LINE: Christ on a crutch!
"Those guys have been frozen in ice for millions of years. Wouldn't you be a little horny?"
NEXT LINE: And a little stiff too?
Posted by: half-a-sista | March 02, 2010 at 09:51 AM
"Listen, screw these environmentalists. When I give the order, shoot to kill!"
NEXT LINE: I need my Charmin
Posted by: Jerseysista | March 02, 2010 at 09:55 AM
"Now if we don't find the Bible means of stopping this f*cker, sharkzilla is gonna own the seas."
NEXT LINE: There are shark killing instructions in the Bible? Revised Standard or King James?
Posted by: half-a-sista | March 02, 2010 at 09:59 AM
Jersey, today I found the ad at the bottom of my AOL screen to be one for Charmin Ultra-Soft featuring a bear with more personality than that guy who couldn't look us in the eyes. In one picture the bear is showing how much Charmin he would have to use IF he had to potty. In the next picture we see the back of the bear blocked by the tree he is leaning against and next to him is a pile of toilet paper needed to do the same job that the other bear only needs a few sheets to do. Synchronicity at work.
Posted by: half-a-sista | March 02, 2010 at 10:02 AM
"I looked into his eyes. Do you know what it looked like?"
NEXT LINE: Synchronicity at work.
Posted by: Jerseysista | March 02, 2010 at 10:09 AM
"These people can be very unpleasant when they don't get their way. Believe me, I know."
NEXT LINE: “I see dead people”
Posted by: Jerseysista | March 02, 2010 at 10:10 AM
"And you little lady, you've got a lot of mouth for someone who's career is all washed up."
NEXT LINE: I want you to know that I am innocent - and that I will fight to clear my name.
Posted by: Jerseysista | March 02, 2010 at 10:18 AM
"And you little lady, you've got a lot of mouth for someone who's career is all washed up."
NEXT LINE: Girls just wanna have fun. That's all they really want.
Posted by: half-a-sista | March 02, 2010 at 10:31 AM
"Those guys have been frozen in ice for millions of years. Wouldn't you be a little horny?"
NEXT LINE: That Giant Octopus won't keep his arms off of me!
Posted by: Matissta | March 02, 2010 at 10:58 AM
"There's something big out there. Really big."
NEXT LINE: Well, HELLOOO big boy!
Posted by: Matissta | March 02, 2010 at 10:59 AM
"Your mother is my mother. We're brothers."
NEXT LINE: Well, we were...before my sex-change.
Posted by: Matissta | March 02, 2010 at 10:59 AM
"I looked into his eyes. Do you know what it looked like?"
NEXT LINE: Napalm in the morning.
Posted by: Matissta | March 02, 2010 at 11:07 AM
"Holy sh!t!"
NEXT LINE: I need my Charmin.
Posted by: Matissta | March 02, 2010 at 11:18 AM
"It's not easy being brilliant under armed guard."
NEXT LINE: " . . . and now this ham-handed segue into your questionnaire."
Posted by: Jerseysista | March 02, 2010 at 12:13 PM
Some extremely funny stuff here, beloveds!
Flann back in the sass after enduring another round of TSA, blah, blah, blah. Am on TRM's turf through this evening and then all day tomorrow through the evening. In that light:
How can I better describe how I feel but with Line #12: "It's not easy being brilliant under armed guard."
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 12:24 PM
"Does anyone have any forceps?"
NEXT LINE: "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille."
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 12:40 PM
"Does anyone have any forceps?"
NEXT LINE: "Rosebud."
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 12:42 PM
"Does anyone have any forceps?"
NEXT LINE: "May the Force be with you."
Posted by: Flannista | March 02, 2010 at 12:48 PM