No matter what language it's in, the above message on one's computer screen is alarming, especially when it is preceded by a gray curtain descending from the top of one's computer screen to the bottom (in the Windows operating system, the screen apparently just stays blue and is known as the "Blue Screen of Death"). Apple prefers the term, "kernel panic". Apple products may panic, but they never ever die.
I asked a techhead friend to describe "kernel panic" in a way I understood. He said, "It's like you're reading instructions for putting together a complicated piece of IKEA furniture and the 18th critical step is left out. You need bolt Q, but it's not there. So the computer shuts down because it does not understand what to do or where to go next."
Don't you wish that happened to humans? Or perhaps it does. Flannista knows that she shut down a good part of the past 48 hours, numb from a seemingly catatrosphic failure for an iMac that is just four months old. What did I do wrong? Should I have shut it down more often rather than putting it to sleep? Do I play Nine Inch Nails music on iTunes too much? Do I use the f-word within earshot of the logic board? Who knows? I will confess that it felt okay to shut down in a new way. A year ago, I would have ranted and wept and stomped my feet. This weekend, I just shut up, tried not to panic. Have patience. Thought a lot about Gwendolyn waiting for biopsy and CT scan results. Then I realized that I was calm enough to do my own pondering and wondered if the problem began when I changed the track pad batteries ten days ago . . . could they be bad? Could the bluetooth track pad be that missing part -- bolt Q? Could my panic be resolved simply by inserting two other new batteries?
It seems it could. Jury is still out, but so far, so good.
I find myself humbled by it all . . . and wondering about how much I have relied on computers for my sense of well-being. Perhaps it's time the gray curtain came down on that need, and a brighter curtain came up on what more reliably enlightens my soul. I don't yet know. I do know that I'm not going to panic about it.
Would not using your computer for a week enlighten your soul? If no, why? If yes, how so?
Reading this post this morning, the answer to the last question seems obvious. Of course not relying on computers so much would enlighten all of our souls . . . like not relying so much on other things that become addictive.
Perhaps what I'm most intrigued by is how challenges, crises, etc. seem to temper the spirit, strengthen the heart, etc.
SOMEthing was different about the way I handled "kernel panic"; different enough to make me think that the losses of the last 18 months had both deepened and enlightened my soul.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 05:15 AM
Good morning, Flann. Just a reminder that you did more than shut down when presented with this problem. You mustered your resources to help you solve the problem. You called your Mac techhead friend and you called Ernest. If it would have been necessary, you would have taken the computer to Apple. You used your laptop as a backup for work purposes. When you weren't on the phone with Ernest, you allowed your friends to divert your attention just a bit. And you allowed thoughts of what other people have to go through to help you put this in perspective.
Sounds like pretty good problem solving skills to me. If you rely on your computer for your sense of well-being, that reliance is misplaced. It should be in your and your own ability to trouble-shoot and persevere, and to find humor in the situation in the meantime.
Posted by: treesta | January 09, 2012 at 05:18 AM
From the January 1, 2012 New York Times Magazine (p. 9):
*****
Next to heroin and cigarettes, Facebook may be one of the most additive things on earth. And now it finally has its own rehab support group. Ironically, the support group is also on the Internet. "We could not resist the temptation to add a 'like' button,'" says Dan Peguine, a founder of FaceAnonymous. Since going live late July, he notes, the site has received 3,000 "likes".
*****
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 05:20 AM
Meanwhile, lately I've been thinking about the amount of time I'm spending on the computer. Not so much for work, that's just a part of the job. But here at home, I'm on the computer more and more. I've been thinking that it's time to set a timer, so to speak, and then shut the thing down and spend more of my time in the real world.
Posted by: treesta | January 09, 2012 at 05:21 AM
RE: Your 5:20 comment. They need one of your 'meh' buttons.
Posted by: treesta | January 09, 2012 at 05:22 AM
Mornin', treesta -- you were one of the friends who helped to divert my attention a bit. Thanks again so much.
Kind of ironic that my Apple tech's name was Ernest, don't you think? He never called me back, by the way, yesterday at 2:45 EST, but by that time I believe I had resolved the problem. I'm going to call Apple some time this week (assuming I don't have kernel panic again) and let them know that resolving this was related to the track pad -- as I had wondered aloud to Ernest a couple of times during our extensive phone conversations.
I never think of myself as a problem solver, treesta . . . mostly as a problem maker. Thanks for letting me see another side of myself.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 05:25 AM
RE: your 5:21 comment, treesta . . . I am thinking the same thing! I think walking so much has helped me to literally walk away from the computer. Do you know that there are REALLY expensive spas where folks pay huge bucks to make certain that there are no computers, TVs, Blackberries, iPhones, radios, etc. anywhere on the premises? We've come to this? Having to pay people for the luxury of living like wealthy pioneers?
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 05:28 AM
See - you've used your Ipod, a pair of walking shoes and Greenbelt Lake (and the Ellen show!) in lieu of spending thousands of dollars. Plus you get the added bonus of taking your retreat on a daily basis.
Don't forget - a daily infusion of 15 minutes of fox walking sometime during your power walk, preferably where there's a stretch of greenery.
Posted by: treesta | January 09, 2012 at 05:34 AM
I tried the fox walking last week and successfully walked by at least 100 lake gulls. Not one of them flew away. Come to think of it, perhaps I ought to try more fox walking when I am near my computer, in order to keep it calm.
Also, I don't wear my iPod half the time when I walk. When I want to spend more time praying while I walk, I don't wear it. When I want to spend more time creating ideas (like for a company annual meeting), the music helps me.
But back to fox walking and calming down . . . hey, Westsista -- turned out my kernel panic was indeed related to energy; specifically Energizer batteries. I did take what you suggested to heart, though. Honestly, I did.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 05:40 AM
Well, have a wonderful day today, everyone, free of kernel panics and kegel panics and any other kind of panics. I need to get to work a bit earlier than normal, so better get myself in gear. You've got me wanting to insert some daily time walking into my schedule, Flann.
Posted by: treesta | January 09, 2012 at 05:46 AM
I just can't get over the fact that my computer would NOT work because it was not properly communicating with the track pad. The Bluetooth connection was lost.
Is this what happens with humans? Would we all communicate better by making certain we are operating with fresh "batteries"?
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 06:38 AM
How careless of me to not mention the role Matissta played this weekend in calming my nerves. She doesn't have to say a word -- just be present and I breathe easier and am able to beat up on myself less.
Thank you, Matissta.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 09:38 AM
I could easily give up the computer for a week.
When I go on vacation, I have no problem walking away from my email or other technology. If I rent a beach house though, I would need a DVD player and TV to watch movies, because it's a good way to unwind at night. There have been many vacations though that a movie is never watched. It depends on the vacation surroundings.
The phone I usual give up completely.
Giving up technology when I spend most of my day with it, is the only way to decompress for me.
Posted by: Matissta | January 09, 2012 at 12:43 PM
Oh and frida's comment asking if a "kegel" was a noodle was priceless!
Posted by: Matissta | January 09, 2012 at 12:45 PM
Matissta -- I would give anything to be able to give up the phone -- both my home phone and my iPhone.
By the way, walked in after being away from my computer for 3 hours. It was asleep and no kernel panic when I woke it up.
It's the little things.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 01:16 PM
In a gesture of good will, I called Apple this morning and was willing to be put on hold to report to the technician (not Ernest) how I had resolved the issue -- simply changing out the batteries on the track pad. Vladimir said he was very grateful for the information.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 01:17 PM
Excellent news, and excellent problem-solving skills, Flannista. I'll keep this in mind, just in case mine ever decides to have a fit.
I'd LOVE to do without my computer, at least as much as I'm tethered to the damn thing now. But there's that little niggling problem of that's how I earn my living right now, which has to work for the whole family. So no copping of attitudes here, just need to buckle down to work. (bleah).
LOVE the "meh" button. That would get used a LOT around here.
Posted by: Chryso | January 09, 2012 at 01:35 PM
I think about 90% of the country earns a living through the computer, Chryso (see Matissta's 12:43 comment). I know I have to. It's hard to find a balance, isn't it? For me, literally walking away from it AND the house -- even for 10-15 minutes a day (or once in the morning and once in the afternoon) helps to remind me that I am not shaped by technology.
I'll probably post about my "meh" button. Stay tuned.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 02:02 PM
I don't hate the phone. Before computers, I used to talk to my friends and family more on the telephone. I knew much more about their everyday lives. No one writes all that in an e-mail, but they will tell you if you talk to them.
With computers, I also get fewer letters than before. People my children's age make no apologies about not writing letters anymore. It is an out-dated mode of communication. But, I miss seeing the handwriting of my beloved ones and their thoughts spilling across the page. When I get a real letter now, it seems intimate ... like holding hands. I miss that kind of intimacy.
Needless to say, I have no problem walking away from technology. When it happens, it is usually to spend quality time with people I love or enjoy.
In this age of connectivity, I know less about the everyday lives of the people I love than ever before.
Posted by: PEACEsista | January 09, 2012 at 02:51 PM
I should have clarified my phone sentiment, PEACEsista. I hate the phone because I get mostly sales calls. You, Sista C and Charlissta are the only loved ones who call me on a consistent basis -- like once a week. I appreciate talking to you all very much.
Matissta and I talk many times during the day, and treesta and I seem to be talking daily on the phone.
I love this line: "When I get a real letter now, it seems intimate . . . like holding hands." There's a haiku there, I know.
Definitely a poem for noway.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 04:04 PM
seems intimate now
receiving your stamped letter
feels like holding hands
Posted by: PEACEsista | January 09, 2012 at 04:29 PM
Love it, PEACE. That sentence in your post read like poetry to me, too. Also liked the line, "...I miss seeing the handwriting of my beloved ones and their thoughts spilling across the page."
Posted by: treesta | January 09, 2012 at 04:42 PM
Simply beautiful, PEACEsista. Simply beautiful.
Posted by: Flannista | January 09, 2012 at 04:48 PM
Just took Trixie for her walk. It's very pretty out after an unexpected gentle snow has been falling all afternoon. Silver dollar snowflakes, no wind. The streets are just now getting covered with a slushy glaze, but the grass and the trees are all covered in a blanket of white. A nice walk.
Posted by: treesta | January 09, 2012 at 05:38 PM
Flann, you can and may walk away from your toys anytime. Just don't beat yourself up about it either way, ok?
I'm not too attached to my computer, but it can definitely be a time waster. Mostly playing Freecell or Spider Solitaire though.
I love leaving behind both computer and phone access for one week each summer, although it has inadvertently caused hurt feelings in the past.
I got a smartphone for Christmas and the only way it has changed my life is unlimited texting at last. Have purposely not added email to it.
facebook holds my interest less and less, but thankful that I learn things I might not know otherwise about the health and happenings of friends.
Posted by: babysis | January 09, 2012 at 06:37 PM