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August 09, 2012

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Flannista

Thanks again for this idea, Sista C.

And thank you, Sugar, for the inspiration.

treesta

Very good advice, Flanny.

Since you began with a pet question, I have a wonderful little dog named Trixie. Trixie is a joy to be with. She's often not such a joy to come home to, as she loves to find whatever trash may be around, though it may be disposed in a trash can, and strews it ALL over the house. I moved the trash can from the floor to a chair (Trixie is a little girl). She figured out how to knock the chair AND the trash can down to get to the trash. I put the trash each morning on the kitchen table. She figured out how to knock against the table until the trash can would fall on the floor. I resorted to putting the trash can on the counter each morning. She has yet to figure that one out, but heaven forbid on the rare day I forget to put the trash can up.

I have to give her points for persistence, but my patience is wearing thin, especially after she got into a trash can this week that had the aluminum foil in which I had cooked marinated portabello mushrooms (very tasty, by the way), marinated in red wine and soy sauce. I now have red wine and soy sauce stains in my white carpet.

So, two questions. Do you know what gets out red wine and soy sauce stains, and what to do about my dear little dog, Trixie?

Thank you in advance,
An irritated treesta

Flannista

Thanks for this wonderful question, treesta.

Flanny shall have to ponder this for a while, but this is precisely the type of question Flanny hopes to receive today.

nowayasista

Dear Flanny

When Diesel has to poop, he prefers a scraggly bush to anything else. Why so?

Tiring of picking up dog plinkies out of thorns.

Flannista

Thanks for your question, too, nowayasista.

Questions to Flanny do not exclusively have to be about pets, but it's completely okay that they are today as Flanny posed her own about pets. But you can also have questions about relationships with humans, food, moving vehicles, etc.

That being said, I shall ponder dog plinkies, a term Flanny has never heard before.

frida

Dear Flanny, I missed Treesta's birthday. Do you know what she did? And may we call you Flann Landers? Try saying that...

Misunderstood

Dear Flanny, (which makes me think of fanny which makes me think that yours is great--if that's your picture on the masthead of your column).
All my friends accuse me of being a flirt and tend to not take serious when I say that I love some broad. This hoits. How can I convince them that I am of the sincere type?
Signed,
Misunderstood
(wanna do drinks sometime, fanny? I mean, er, flanny? I'm just sayin'.....

Flannista

Before heading off to her regular Thursday morning Breakfast Club, Flanny wants to acknowledge receiving both frida's and Misunderstood's queries.

Am pondering.

Overlooked

Dear Flanny,

I have been attending a Breakfast Club for several months now, and every time I am there, every one talks over the other. We can't seem to stay on any one topic. So today, I resolved to do what I could and when one person started to talk about marriage, I asked, "What's the secret to a long-term relationship?" They each answered (again, talking over the other) but no one asked me how I would answer. In fact, no one really ever asks me anything. I always have to insert myself into the table conversation. I don't feel heard or worse, I don't feel seen. Any advice? Overlooked

Flannista

I am back from my morning commitments and errands.

Dear frida,

I'm not certain what treesta did for her birthday. She did go to work and after work, she met some friends for a birthday drink. Tonight, she is going to Flannista's for a Miracle Margarita made from REAL LIMES (a huge bag was on sale for only $5) and a pre-season Redskins game. Tomorrow the Sassistas! are taking her out to eat. I'm assuming that treesta also showered at some point yesterday and devised new ways to keep trash away from her dog, Trixie.

May you call me "Flann Landers"? That's got a poetic ring, doesn't it, Bon Ami? Picture me doing all of my pondering in Flanders Fields.

Yours, Flanny

Flannista

Dear nowayasista,

I looked up the definition of "plinky" and it means something that makes a "short, sharp, metallic or ringing sound". I guess the good news is this: I know that you walk Diesel early in the morning before the sun is up, making it difficult to see his plinkies in the thorns. Thank goodness you can at least HEAR them, no? Still, I would not want to pick up plinkies in thorns no matter what ringing sound they made.

Your question, however, reveals a more profound issue (so to speak): What are we to make of a dog who crouches over thorns to drop a load? This is a rather extraordinary dumping preference and I can only wonder what Diesel might be teaching you . . . or what you may have taught him. The Irish poet, Thomas Moore, once wrote: "The heart that is soonest awake to the flowers is always the first to be touch'd by the thorns." Seems to me that in teaching Diesel how to smell the roses first thing, he, in return, is teaching you how to be "touch'd by the thorns." This makes sense to me given what I hear is your uncanny ability to write poems that really sing; that make our hearts produce plinkies. So, sweet cheeks, the next time you have to stoop over and pick out a Diesel plinkie, stop and smell the poetry.

Yours, Flanny

Sista C

Hey, I got some advice to 'overlooked'. Screw breakfast club. Sounds exhausting, anyway. My head rings just thinking about the clatter.

Wouldn't hurt her for the world

Dear Flanny,
How in the world do I persuade an elderly friend of mine not to clean her dentures at dinner when I take her out with friends? After dining she hocks out her teeth and begins to pick at them with a small pocketknife. This is an exercise done leisurely, as if she relishes the act. Needless to say, it puts everyone off their feed. Unfortunately. I've been chosen to speak to her about this and I haven't a clue how to begin.
Signed,
Wouldn't hurt her for the world.

PEACEsista

Dear Overlooked: It sounds like everyone "inserts themselves" at Breakfast Club. It is not a good venue to be heard. It is a venue for talking more than listening. You might not feel safe to do it, but you could say something outrageous. That might get people to listen, but it also may scare them. Also, if you pose a question to the group, offer your answer FIRST, which will help you to get a word in. I don't believe that there is any intention to exclude you, but it is clear that you don't feel like you fit in with this group. Do you want to? If so, you'll have to talk more and listen less, then you should fit right in.

PEACEsista

I LOVE the name Flann Landers ... but it will likely get "her" people coming after you if you use it!

(PS: Watch out for your fan from the 8:41 AM comment. YIKES!)

PEACEsista

Dear Flanny,
I am a regular participant on a blog. This blog likes to celebrate the birthdays of its participants, however I am not going to be anywhere near a computer on my birthday. I will be away from home on a tennis court. Is it proper to ask the moderator of the blog to celebrate my Saturday birthday belatedly on Monday, so that I might attend the on-line celebration?

Flannista

PEACEsista -- Flanny TALK MORE AND LISTEN LESS? Did you read what you wrote? I had to read it again, myself, but this is a new side of me. I normally do most of the talking, but this year, I've shut up quite a bit.

Thank you for your advice, PEACE and Sista C. The jury is still out about whether or not I want to be part of Breakfast Club. I actually did say something outrageous today. I was talking about my experience demonstrating with the Maryknoll Sisters during Bush's Second Inaugural ceremony and how the Capitol Hill Police surrounded us and wouldn't let us go to the bathroom because we had knelt down to pray during the oath of office. We were told that there is no praying on Capitol Hill. I then asked the officer with the most arm braids, "If that is the case, why is there a Senate Chaplain?"

My question to the Breakfast Club was this: if you had to go to the bathroom, would you have dropped your drawers and pissed right in front of law enforcement in a park next to the Senate Office Buildings?

I'll ask the same question to everyone in the sassosphere.

Sista C

Your mistake is ASKING A QUESTION, Flann. You ask a question to the breakfast club, you get answers all at once. It's obviously the dynamic of the group to talk all over one another.

PEACEsista

In 2012, some of the most outrageous extremists are religious ones, think suicide bombers and self-immolation. There can be no exception for Christians. You can wet your pants, but if you drop your drawers you will be arrested for indecent exposure, which is appropriate.

PEACEsista

Sounds like you have met your talking match. Maybe it pisses you off a little NOT to be able to out-talk those women!

Flannista

Sista C -- I asked a question in an attempt to get the group to focus on ONE topic. Imagine two to three different conversations about two to three different topics. I keep thinking that if I simply keep quiet and ask a provocative question, they all might focus for a bit.

Flannista

PEACEsista:

A group of well-fed, well-hydrated and well-bathroomed law enforcement officers are NOT permitting nuns in their eighties to go to the bathroom. Which act is more indecent?

PEACEsista

Of course, if you wear a long skirt to a protest and your knees allow it, you could squat to pee and maybe no one would notice. This is also the recommendation for peeing in Tibet, where there are very few rocks or trees to hide behind.

Flannista

PEACE -- You haven't been around me much the past few months. I've really shut up, though I know it's hard to believe. I'm not pissed by these women as much as I'm saddened (which may be worse).

Sista C may be on to something. This group has been meeting for years and it appears that the dynamic is to talk over another or as you said earlier, "insert" themselves. Maybe I don't feel safe enough to "insert" myself.

I do appreciate your and Sista C's perspectives, however. I really do.

Flannista

PEACE -- I do own ONE skirt. It's a designer Eileen Fisher silk skirt. That could work.

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