Oscar Fashion 2013

       

 

    Dahlinks! Edna here!

HALLE BERRY: This is not "Monster's Ball".

ANNE HATHAWAY: Points well taken.

MELISSA McCARTHY: "Grey's Anatomy" is a drama on ABC, not the red carpet.

HELEN HUNT: Just because Monopoly got rid of its iron, doesn't mean you had to.

JANE FONDA: Sponsored by Post-Its and Sharpie Highlighters.

SALLY FIELD: You saw it in the window (in Branson, Missouri) and just had to have it.  I hate it, I hate it, I really hate it.

NICOLE KIDMAN: A dress chosen by your husband; "Urban" says it all.

HEIDI KLUM: You don't have my "Seal" of approval.

NAOMI HARRIS: "The Vagina Monologues" is a play, not a fashion statement.

JESSICA CHASTAIN: You shimmer. I simmer.

CHARLIZE THERON: Dior place or mine?

JENNIFER LAWERENCE: Like you, I fell for it.

JENNIFER ANISTON: Won't you be my Valentino?

CHRIS PINE: Not full bearded, but full breasted.

EDDIE REDMAYNE: Bedroom hair and bedroom slippers.

DANIEL DAY LEWIS & WIFE: Unlike the Lincolns (and the couple below), you had a fortunate outcome at the theater.

HELENA BONHAM CARTER & TIM BURTON: Still on the set of Les Miz with Edward Scissorhand.

Hirsute is not mine, Darlinks.

 

Comments

[Flannista]

A big sass-out to Matissta who, despite having one million and one things on her heart and mind these days, took the time to size and position each one of the photos in today's post.

xoxo

[Edna]

The definition, if you must know:

hirsute |ˈhərˌso͞ot, hərˈso͞ot, ˈhi(ə)rˌso͞ot|
adjective: hairy

[Edna]

Helena Bonham Carter never disappoints.

[Sista C]

No, I suppose Helena never disappoints---depending on what that word happens to mean to you.

Heidi! Oh Heidi! What happened, my love?! Duct tape didn't hold?

Hathaway managed to be sprayed the exact shade of pink as her dress. In fact, it looks like Barbie doll flesh.

Jessica, you can zero my dark thirty anytime.

[Edna]

Sista C! Edna just loves, loves, loves, "you can zero my dark thirty anytime"! Oh, if only she would spend more than a decade hunting me down!

[Sista C]

Forget 'decade', Edna, I'd be right around the corner saying 'yoo-hoo'.

[Matissta]

Is it me or does Halle Berry's dress resemble the Chrysler Building?

[half-a-sista]

Edna, my fashion flower, so glad you could give us your valuable fashion comments although I disagree with at least one...so far.

Halle Barry's dress looked very elegant on her and, despite some people's views that she resembled the Chrysler Building, she was as elegant as that building has always been and more. Take me to the observation deck, please.

[half-a-sista]

What was Anne Hathaway thinking? Pretty in pink, she wasn't. Her fabulous Tiffany necklace was wasted on that horrible dress with the perky nipples built in. I swear someone took an eyebrow pencil and darkened the tips of the nips so they would attract attention. She is such a lovely (though pale pink) woman and to do this to a dress and herself is unforgiveable. Guess you can take the girl out of the streets of Paris, but you can't take the streets of Paris out of the girl.

[half-a-sista]

Melissa McCarthy, WTF? You have set fashion for the full-figured woman back a century with that coffin shroud. Makes me very afraid to think what's underneath that large gray bedsheet.

Edna, where were the fashion police to arrest and detain that woman who obviously is a beauty when not dressed in funeral attire?

[half-a-sista]

And, here, dearest, dahlink Edna is where we part opinions on Oscar dresses. Helen Hunt stunned me in her flawless, midnight blue silk dress. Absolutely gorgeous (and the wrinkles were intended to be there).

I know you must have been jealous of that dress and secretly wanted it for yourself because you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER iron silk to remove wrinkles, you steam it. The silk manufacturers of the world must have you on their payroll.
Ne c'est pas?

[half-a-sista]

Again, that green-eyed monster possessed you when you criticized Jane Fonda's dress. The woman is seventy-five and can still rock a loud colored dress with a cinched waist. Post this, Edna, she looked sleek and stylish. I say, Bring out more Sharpies for next year's Oscars. made me want to find my Jane Fonda Workout tape and get to work so I look that good in 15 years.

[half-a-sista]

Okay, I kinda agree about Sally Field's dress, but I think she saw it in a window in Springfield, Illinois while doing research for the Lincoln movie. Mary Todd would have worn something just like it, but in black. It was a matronly dressed and Sally is a matronly woman (certainly not toned and hot like Jane).

[Matissta]

half, did you know that Helen Hunt's dress was from H&M? Remember years ago, when Sharon Stone wore a Gap shirt to the Oscars? Gotta love a star that buys something off the rack.

The dress wasn't bad, but I still think the wrinkles were a mistake.

[half-a-sista]

Nicole Kidman's dress was too slick. I thought Esther Williams had come from the pool with a shimmery, hip-hugging skirt. She looked like a candy bar.

Heidi has learned nothing from Project Runway. Heidi, you're out. You can leave the stage.

My concern is that as her breasts continue to sag, we will be treated to a dress cut all the way to the waist so she can titillate us. Stop before it's too late. Bring those breasts back up along with the neckline.

Naomi Harris should have been arrested. Her cooch cut dress provided us with too much information about a woman's special place. Naomi, we want to entice, not lay it all out for the viewers.

[Edna]

half-a, dahlink! My wild, hot hunk of steaming (because you're silk) love. Where have you been? I'm swooning from your comments. I must pause and catch my breath . . .

[half-a-sista]

Edna, you powder puff of pulsating passion, take me. I'm yours...even when we disagree.

Jennifer, never wrap yourself in a bedspread and then try to walk. That dress was more upholstery than fashion. The tripping was done quite elegantly.

Jennifer's dress was so elegant and flowed so nicely as she crossed the stage to introduce something or the other. Too bad she doesn't do something with that hair.

[Edna]

half-a, dahlink:

I agree with you about poor Melissa (Queen Latifah, please give her a call). When I first saw her on the red carpet (I confess, I had to turn away), I thought Morticia from "The Addams Family" had wandered onto the set of "Gladiator". Nothing is working here, including that swooped-up hair that made her look a foot taller. All that gray, all that gray. What a shame that it's hiding what she told us in "Bridemaids" was a hot undercarriage.

[half-a-sista]

Matisse, I just got off the phone with S&M. The dress was meant to look wrinkled.

Chris Pine, I think the jacket was a size too small, but you looked lovely.

Edna, I wouldn't know how Eddie looks in his bedroom (or yours for that matter) so I must take you word for his bedroom hair and shoes. I just wish he hadn't kept his hands in his pockets. It looks like he's playing pocket pool and one should not look like that...except in the bedroom.

[Edna]

I agree with Matissta that dresses that resemble buildings don't belong on the red carpet. Remember the movie, "Big"? How that one advertising executive pitched a toy that was a building that transformed into something or other and how lame-o Tom Hanks character -- a 10-year-old kid -- thought that idea was?

[Edna]

Didn't George Clooney wear Nicole Kidman's dress when he played Batman in "Batman and Robin"?

[half-a-sista]

Daniel Day Lewis must not have received much money for performing in "Lincoln." He certainly did not spend it on pants that were long enough or the same color as his jacket. Someone with "chicken legs" should spend a few extra dollars on looser pants that make his legs look bigger. Perhaps he has not fully recovered from immersing himself in Lincoln who probably would have worn that outfit to the Oscars had he not had a bad night at the theater that one time.

Daniel's wife, Rebecca Miller (daughter of playwright Arthur Miller) word widow's weeds probably in support of her husband who is still possessed by the spirit of Abraham Lincoln although it must be hard to play a dead wife. Here's hoping Daniel comes back to himself soon.

[half-a-sista]

Helen & Tim will always be messes and not "hot" ones either.

George Clooney did wear that dress in "Batman & Robing" but only in his bedroom and only for Robin's amusment. Edna, how do you know so much about the bedroom life of the stars? Are you keeping something from me, you minx?

Halle Berry's dress was beautiful both architecturally and aesthetically. Edna, get thee to an optometrist.

Of the hirsute men, yes, yes, no, no, yes and, Edna, I'll leave it to you to tell us what their hair and shoes looks like in the bedroom. Are they as hairy in those special places...like the bedroom...as their facial hair suggests. Do tell.

We'll talk later about your bedroom escapades.

[half-a-sista]

Edna, my beckoning beacon of bedroom beauty, I must go for awhile and shovel the virgin snow that has fallen..about six inches so far. Then again, maybe I should wait until it quits snowing tomorrow morning and just deal with it all at once.

[Edna]

half-a, dahlink, Anne Hathaway made a last-minute gown switch when she learned that Melissa McCarthy would be wearing what she had planned to wear.

As I always say: shoulda, woulda, Prada.