Well, dang, y'all. It's a big ol' day in the sassosphere!
Yeah, that's right! It's babysis' 50th birthday!
What better way to celebrate this HUGE life event than to provide babysis with the best damn recipes we can find using baloney! Keep in mind that babysis doesn't cook or clean.
Pictured above is Flannista's contribution:
BALONEY BIRTHDAY CAKE!
INGREDIENTS:
At least three slices of baloney -- fresh, if possible
One of them packages of cream cheese
Purty paper plate
DIRECTIONS:
Slap one of the baloney slices on the purty paper plate.
Cover the slice (just the top) with cream cheese. Use a knife if you got one.
Slap another baloney slice on top of the first baloney slice.
Cover that thang, too, with cream cheese.
Slap that last slice on top of them other two.
Then make a fist with your right hand and squash them slices close together until the cream cheese kinda squirts out the sides.
Take a bite of that thang. Pass around so others can take a bite. Keep passin' the cake around 'til it's gone or you're passin' gas, whatever comes first.
ANOTHER VARIATION:
babysis -- if all you can find is them smaller versions of baloney called weiners, then just cut 'em up and add whatever:
http://images.media-allrecipes.com/userphotos/250x250/00/84/02/840214.jpg
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 06:03 AM
Damn! Is there a gawd or what? The word in the Code Thingy for my last comment was "suitable".
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 06:04 AM
Jus' in case some of you are thinkin' that you don't got the same cookin' skills as Flann, or could NEVER find a baloney recipe suitable for babysis' 50th, I dare you to google "bologna recipes" or "trailer trash recipes".
Seriously. You is gonna discover a WHOLE NEW WORLD!
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 06:08 AM
Matissta doesn't think it's fair that I'm restrictin' the celebration to just baloney, so what the hell? Post your favorite recipes using Cheetos, pork rinds, gator and Twinkies or whatever food you find between the couch cushions.
You only turn 50 once, for heaven's sake.
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 06:18 AM
Matiss is right. You jus' can't eat baloney cake without somethin' CRUNCHY!
So how's about a recipe for Cinnamon and Sugar Pork Rinds?
INGREDIENTS:
Big ol' bag of pork rinds
Left-over cinnamon and sugar donut from last year's birthday party
Hunk of butter
DIRECTIONS
Take that bag of rinds and pour what's inside onto a large baking dish or hubcap, what have you.
Put that donut in your right hand, then cover it with your left hand and squeeze it as hard as you can. If it's too hard, take a hammer and smash that thang to smithereens.
Then take the butter and melt it in ANOTHER pan (if you're lucky enough to have another one; if not, set that hunk of butter out on the porch for a spell).
When the butter is runny and all, glob it all over them rinds.
Then take the donut smithereens and scatter the butter globs all over them rinds.
Put on a purty paper plate (the one the baloney cake was on because we're assumin' it done be ate up!) and pass around!
DEEEELISH!
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 06:59 AM
Well, Happy Birthday, babysis!! Enjoy every moment of the day!
I have no recipes to contribute at the moment. After all, how can I possibly top Cinnamon and Sugar Pork Rings?
Posted by: treesta | March 13, 2013 at 07:15 AM
You don't off that easy, treesta. After all, I've had dinner at your house before.
I think you can contribute somethin' with tater tots or whatever them thangs are called.
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 07:26 AM
Happy Birthday, babysis!
Fried bologna
Take a slice or two of bologna. Throw it into a frying pan. Cook it up. In a pinch, it can be served in place of bacon.
Enjoy!
Posted by: Matissta | March 13, 2013 at 07:59 AM
Microwaved Bologna
If the version of fried bologna is too much effort. Throw a slice or two into the microwave for 30 secs. All you have to do is push the buttons.
Posted by: Matissta | March 13, 2013 at 08:03 AM
To save yourself time, babysis. don't push three buttons for the "Microwaved Baloney". If you're supposed to cook it for a minute, just push "59". But you need to remember that means seconds and not minutes.
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 08:54 AM
Since babysis is in my top 10, not only of 'crackers', but people in general, I'll share my tomato gravy recipe:
First of all, as with all my dishes: fry bacon
Take bacon grease, add flour and brown it up
Pour in smashed tomatoes and a little water
Simmer, add pepper
Serve alongside that plate of bacon and a platter of fried squirrel.
Wear loose pants, cause if you add hot biscuits you're in for a pig- out session!
Posted by: Sista C | March 13, 2013 at 09:16 AM
Damn, Sista C -- you had me at loose pants!
You gotta mix this up for me some time!
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 09:21 AM
Happy Birthday, babysis! Only 50?! You are a babe, indeed! No bologna here at the airport, but I'll spring for a box of airline "snack" food to add to your baloney feast!
Posted by: PEACEsista | March 13, 2013 at 09:51 AM
Baloney Jerky
Place slices of baloney on sheet tray.
Turn oven on 250 degrees. You want to cook it real slow for several hours.
Only jerky you'll find in a circle. Can also be used in place of a potato chip.
Posted by: Matissta | March 13, 2013 at 10:33 AM
Well thanks yall! Them are all some mighty fine recipes I believe I could add to my expert repertoire (dang, I can't say that word any better than I can cook). This may be a new decade of cooking creations my family still won't love, but at least I will.
I got three early birthday presents yesterday and they are all chocolate. One of 'em has got a love poem in it. Never heard of that in a bar of chocolate.
https://www.chocolove.com/chocolate/extra-strong-dark-chocolate-77-cocoa.html
Posted by: babysis | March 13, 2013 at 11:44 AM
I git that you love poems in a bar of chocolate, babysis. Me? I jus' love poems in a bar, period.
But heck, since you like chocolate and all, how about some deep-fried chocolate chip cookies?
http://img.foodnetwork.com/FOOD/2006/12/06/hs0213_cookie_balls1_lg.jpg
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 01:59 PM
What better gift could you git today, babysis, than learning that Twinkies are back on the grocery shelves? Two words: FAT FRYER!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8b/Deep-fried_twinkie.jpg
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 02:09 PM
The deep fried cookies look great. A friend just delivered a cake she made for me. It may have more ganache than anything.
Posted by: babysis | March 13, 2013 at 05:28 PM
What in theeeeeee hell is ganache?
Posted by: Flannista | March 13, 2013 at 07:44 PM
Happy Birthday babysis! Baloney juggling celebration: Take 3 pieces of baloney and try to keep them all in the air whilst thinking awesome thoughts about living 50 years of your life and twirling around.
Posted by: Emily | March 13, 2013 at 10:10 PM
http://img.foodnetwork.com/FOOD/2012/10/25/EA1H06_Ganache-Frosting_s4x3_lg.jpg
Posted by: babysis | March 13, 2013 at 10:42 PM
Emily: Done. With added panache. Thanks.
Posted by: babysis | March 13, 2013 at 10:44 PM
Looks like ganache requires panache to make.
Emily, I bet babysis does not have photographic proof of whilst-baloney-twirling. I live next door to you and want a demonstration. With added panache.
Posted by: Flannista | March 14, 2013 at 04:59 AM