BUBBLES AND RAINBOWS
Dear Flanny,
Last week while putting the finishing touches on the second of two large video projects this year (that have required six long-distance trips away from my home in five weeks), the account representative for the studio saw me and said: "Gosh, you look so tired. Are you okay?" I told her that I had been traveling a lot; further, that my partner's mother had died, and I couldn't be there for her so I was just drained. The woman responded, "I don't like to hear bad news so here's wishing you bubbles and rainbows."
"Bubbles and rainbows."
Needless to say, this response offered me no comfort at all; in fact, it irritated me. I shared this response with my partner, asking, "What do you think of someone who sees life as 'bubbles and rainbows'"? My partner responded, "Well, it's better than how you see it which is 'death and holocaust'".
Flanny, how SHOULD I see life?
-- Death and Holocaust
Dear D & H:
First of all, my deepest condolences to your partner for the loss of her beloved mother. I'm certain that it was your loss, too, and I'm sorry that you haven't been able to support your partner in a way you both needed. I'm sorry, too, that you've had to be away from your home so much. I seldom leave my home. As you know I am fighting lupus, but more than that, my home grounds me. So my precious correspondent, you are understandably feeling unmoored.
What irritates me most about the account executive's response to you isn't "bubbles and rainbows", but the fact that she did not acknowledge your loss or weariness. "Bubbles and rainbows" are easier to swallow (or bat away) if you know they aren't being used to push back or ignore pain. Like you, I don't see life as "bubbles-and-rainbows". However, I also don't see life as "death and holocaust," though I suspect that folks who only read my fiction would disagree. To them I ask: have you read my letters collected in The Habit of Being? I swear, a lot of that correspondence is just flat-out funny! Where would any of us be without a sense of humor? For me, laughing is just about the closest we get to experiencing grace.
That being said, there is, indeed, the reality of "death and holocaust". Was it T.S. Eliot who said, "humankind cannot bear too much reality"? I'm not certain, but I do know that too much sentimentality creates a softness that can end in bitterness. Also, some folks just can't handle the truth, God bless them. But you know what? Truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. I always say (google it, if you want), "You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you odd."
You have a great gift, my sweet oddness: the ability to bear truth . . . except perhaps when it comes to bearing the truth about yourself. I suspect that you don't see life as "death and holocaust" as much as you see life as "pain and laughter". I can't be certain, but if I were you, I would invite you to ask your friends in the sassosphere for the two words (connected by "and") that capture their view of life. I bet you'll learn something. I bet I will, too.
Yours in loss and grace,
Flanny
Thanks, Flanny, for your compassionate response to D & H. And in the spirit of your challenge to us in the sassosphere, I often see life as these two words (connected by "and"):
Matissta and Flannista
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 06:29 AM
Bread and roses
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 06:30 AM
Picket and pray
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 06:30 AM
Jem and Scout
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 06:31 AM
Grace and melancholy.
Posted by: treesta | March 01, 2013 at 07:02 AM
Family and friends.
Posted by: treesta | March 01, 2013 at 07:26 AM
Children and trees.
Posted by: treesta | March 01, 2013 at 07:26 AM
Beer and skittles
Posted by: nowayasista | March 01, 2013 at 08:10 AM
Morning and permanent midnight.
Posted by: Sista C | March 01, 2013 at 08:20 AM
Patience and Torque.
Posted by: Peter | March 01, 2013 at 08:25 AM
Yin and Yang
Posted by: PEACEsista | March 01, 2013 at 08:59 AM
Night and Day
Posted by: PEACEsista | March 01, 2013 at 09:00 AM
War and PEACE
Posted by: PEACEsista | March 01, 2013 at 09:01 AM
Fear and Love
Posted by: babysis | March 01, 2013 at 09:06 AM
Bread and Chocolate
Posted by: babysis | March 01, 2013 at 09:07 AM
Time and Change
Posted by: babysis | March 01, 2013 at 09:08 AM
Temporal and Eternal
Posted by: babysis | March 01, 2013 at 09:10 AM
Nut and Helios
Dear Flanny, this letter you wrote is so human and so beautiful.
Besides the sky and the sun, I would say Grief and Joy. We don't know what we are doing; we try to go forward in kindness. And on and on...today is so gray but I hear the birds begin to sing.
Posted by: frida | March 01, 2013 at 10:13 AM
Beautiful and Frida
Posted by: PEACEsista | March 01, 2013 at 10:32 AM
Thanks, all.
Have been teaching the First Graders this morning. Was presented with a Dr. Seuss t-shirt and in that spirit, I will post:
Green Eggs and Ham
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 11:25 AM
My pastor friend, Carol, was unable to post, but sent her words via an email:
Beautiful and terrifying
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Matissta sent me an email asking me to clarify that she never said that seeing life as "bubbles and rainbows" was better than seeing it as "death and holocaust". She did not say "better than". She simply said that I saw life as "death and holocaust".
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 11:28 AM
Have and have not
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 11:29 AM
Had to look up "Helios".
Dictionary and thesaurus
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Flanny wants to remind everyone that she is happy to take your questions today.
Posted by: Flannista | March 01, 2013 at 11:31 AM