Sassistas! Our dish on the social soup.

Monster Jam!

Drum roll, please!  For the first time in the history of the sassosphere, the Sassistas! are tickled to death to acknowledge and thank babysis for dishing today's sass!

Fueling our anticipation on the way to Monster Jam, the local rock station cues up Ted Nugent’s “Stranglehold,” a fitting mood setter for the crowd we will spend the next several hours with. We fork out $15 to park very near the Citrus Bowl, nestling our mini-van among RVs, Hummers, and pick-up trucks blasting train horns every 10 minutes or so.

Our first stop is the long line to ride in Blue Thunder, a monster truck replica of the original, with two bench seats lining the truck bed. There are seat belts and a roll cage, but if you’re over 36 inches tall, you can handle the figure eights and lots of noise.

Our next stop is the Pit Party, featuring all 14 trucks in tonight’s show. You shouldn’t touch, but you can get very close and take all the photos you want. This year we obtained seven driver autographs, adding to the value of our $10 Souvenir Yearbook.

Vendors offer food, drink, and merchandise, but we’ve come prepared. We eat our packed supper in the van, toss the football, listen to music, read, nap, or people watch. On this occasion, my observation shows more drunk rednecks prefer to make love, not war.

Around 7 pm, we walk to the stadium, where the sold-out crowd of over 60K is growing restless.  The National Anthem is sung by the winner of a radio competition, and the introductions begin.  All 14 trucks enter the stadium, engines roaring, and eventually position themselves around a giant oval, electrifying the crowd.  The noise is indescribable, but I called Flann and Matiss to give them the phone version.

The show lasts about three hours, and features racing and freestyle portions, with entertaining filler events of extreme moto-cross jumping and soccer mom minivan demo-cross (see photo left; note that the back of the green van on the far right says, "BABY ON BOARD"). One biker crash landed and had to be loaded into an ambulance, but he gave the universal thumbs-up symbol.  The minivan race had no rules to speak of, and the woman who won exclaimed, "That was the best feeling of my life!"

The final event is 90 seconds of a solo freestyle rampage by each monster truck.  The crowd favorite won convincingly, and is a true icon in the sport after 28 years of competition.  Dennis Anderson, the driver of Grave Digger, thanked the crowd for their faithful support over the years, and reminded us that a night with monster trucks gets your mind off the economy and your troubles.  We had to agree, and felt $104 for four tickets was time and money well spent.

What do you consider a good time for a great price?

To view a Youtube video of the 2009 "Air Force Afterburner Champion" click here.

Bye-Bye, Butterstick

This Thursday, after four years, six months and four weeks as the National Zoo's reigning prince of bears, Tai Shan, Washington's beloved giant panda will leave the place of his birth and head to China to enter a breeding program, according to a prior agreement with that country.

Frances Nguyen, founder of the local Tai Shan fan club said, in the Washington Post, "There has been a lot of emotion.  It's like sending your own child to college."  On the one hand, she said, devotees want him to grow and have offspring of his own. "Nobody wants to see him here by himself, and pacing." At the same time, she added, "a lot of us never thought he would leave."

Tai Shan's leaving will be particularly difficult for his principal keeper, Nicole Meese. According to the Washington Post:

She was present the morning he was born, held him a few weeks later, trained him, played with him, fed him and cleaned up after him.  She has watched him grow from a tiny, nearly hairless newborn into the lanky, precocious bear to whom she now must say goodbye.

She's been present for all four birthdays, for his first time outdoors -- "really neat to watch," she said -- and for his first time eating bamboo.

He knows her voice,she said, and her face, and responds to the hand signals she devised to help school him. She talks to him, calls him "cutie," and he bleats in reply.  Every day he makes me smile," she said.

Meese will accompany Tai Shan on his long flight to China, and it will be First Class all the way.  He will fly in a huge new airplane with his own logo on the side, only eight people on board, including his doctor, a member of the opposite sex right beside him and more than 50 pounds of his favorite food available "on demand" during the 14.5-hour flight.

The Sassistas! think Tai Shan and his beloved keeper ought to fly with our sentiments and thank you's.  Please share them today.  Fly high, Butterstick!

 

Beet Juice

Finally . . . a use for beets that actually makes sense!

As you know, Flannista hates beets, but over the weekend, grew to love them when she learned her beloved state of Maryland has added beet juice into its snow-fighting plan.  Really.

Mix sugar beet molasses with brine salt and you have an environmentally friendly -- and stickier -- way of preparing roads for snow and ice.  The beet juice, also used in the District of Columbia since 2007, smells like ground cigarette butts and old coffee (of course as that is what beets actually taste like).  It goes down on the road like flat soda -- very sticky -- and helps the salt brine adhere to the surface so it lasts longer and has more of a melting effect once the snow and ice arrive. 

The process for producing beet juice is, well, time honored and something we don't want to dip into.  We hope that doesn't squash your interest in this topic, however, and that we can squeeze ideas out of you for alternative municipal uses for other vegetables such as turnips and cabbage, etc.  For example, can they be used to clean windows on public buildings or disinfect public restrooms?

Please let us know!  You got some 'splainin' to do!

Vegas On Water

She is one big mother.

Pictured above is Oasis of the Seas, a passenger ship that arrived in a new terminal in Port Everglades last week while Flannista was in Florida.  Flann could see it from her Orlando hotel room a hundred miles away.  Just kidding, but Oasis of the Seas is longer, taller, wider, heavier and more expensive than any other passenger ship ever built.  It's five times the size of the Titanic and more than half again as large as the mammoth Queen Mary.  A piece of it had to be retracted just so it could squeeze under a bridge and make it out to the Atlantic.  On its 18 decks, a crew of 2,165 will tend to as many as 6,296 paying customers, nearly 45 percent more than the largest cruise ships now operating.  Oasis of the Seas also boasts:

• 15 decks with four main swimming pools, a park promenade, surf simulators, rock climbing and miniature golf.
• A 1,300-seat theater (larger than some on Broadway) and an ice rink.
• The Boardwalk designed to be a cutting-edge Coney Island with a hand-crafted carousel in the middle.
• A zip line where guests can ride down while suspended nine decks above The Boardwalk.
• Central Park (pictured right) which has 12,175 plants, 62 vine plants, 56 trees and bamboo plants, some 24 feet high.
• Several casinos, of course.
• The Rising Tide, the first moving bar at sea that descends three decks from Central Park to the Royal Promenade (where guests enter the ship).
• The first cupcake shop at sea.

The Sassistas! could go on an on, of course.  We've never been on a cruise and don't know if this one is worth it.  Rates start a $729 per person double occupancy for a seven-night cruise.  For high-rollers, the two-level, four-person Royal Loft suite starts at $19,276 (total price for four guests) and maxes out at $34,376.  We assume this includes cupcakes.

Any of you ever go on a cruise?  What did you like about it?  What didn't you like about it?  Would you book a cruise on Oasis of the Seas?  Why or why not?

Trail of Genius

Remember that weird "Do Not Disturb" sign on Flannista's hotel door knob that said, "In the Zone"?  Remember how the Sassistas! asked you for sassgestions for other three-word directives for hotel door knobs?  Click here if you don't remember.

Anyhoo, to the left is a scan of a page (sorry it came out so faded) from the desk memo pad at the Marriott where Flann stayed this week.  Note the inspirational five-word message at the top:  Leave a trail of genius. 

At the end of a hard day of work, I don't want to be told to leave a trail of genius.  I'm "In the Zone,"  remember?  I'd rather the memo pad say, Leave me the f*ck alone or Buy yourself a drink. Now.

What other five-word messages would you sassgest for Marriott desk memo pads?  

We Fell, Too

BEFORE

Last weekend, the Sassistas!, Jerseysista and barista rented a cabin in Berkeley Springs, Virginia.  It was stocked with everything we needed except food and drink.  Jerseysista generously offered to bring the food and drink we needed for breakfast and lunch.  The above image was taken Friday evening shortly after Jersey unpacked her food supplies.  The image below is what was left of those supplies Sunday morning. 

 

AFTER

What's the story behind these two images?

Fall Fell Again

Hey, beloveds. Here are Matissta's photographs from our walk in the Fall yesterday afternoon.

Fall Fell

Yesterday, the Sassistas! captured this image while on a Studio Tour in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia with Jerseysista and barista. As this image attests, the colors were gorgeous.  Overnight, a wind from a cold front seemed to take most of the leaves from the trees.  The image below was snapped on the deck of our rental cabin.  As much as we missed our internet connection, we will miss images such as these much more.

Isn't That Precious?

The Sassistas! would like to acknowledge and thank half-a-sista not only for dishing today's sass, but also for providing the indescribable accompanying photos.

Amidst rolling, wooded hills of southwestern Missouri stand big-eyed children. They lurk in odd places. Murals of children decorate every wall and hallway in a chapel. Big eyes follow every move. The place? Precious Moments (PM) outside Carthage, Missouri.

Arriving for my first visit, I am greeted by the American flag flanked by the Christian flag and the Missouri state flag. Big-eyed sea creatures and frogs watch from the picnic area. A big-eyed bear stands outside his miniature travel trailer. The voices of little children over the PA sing, “I’m in the Lord’s army.”

Visitors pass through the Visitors’ Center, which includes the PM Gift Shop, Perpetual Christmas Shop and the PM Deli. Resisting the shopping urge, I exit into the gardens. A PM fountain greets me. A group of herald angels with their trumpets raised to Heaven line one walkway.

Another walkway takes me to the carved, wooden doors of the chapel. Halls on each side feature stained glass windows of small children lit by soft pink lights creating the aura of a funeral home.

The walls of the empty sanctuary hold murals of biblical scenes. The characters are children: Adam and Eve, Mary and Joseph at the manger, Noah and the ark. The main mural depicts a greeting committee of winged children welcoming the newly dead children to Heaven. In the distance, Jesus talks with a group of new arrivals.

The guide notes a controversy among veterans. All of the armed services are represented by girls and boys in the appropriate dress uniforms. Many vets thought Mr. Sam Butcher, creator of PM, should have been painted adults.  The guide smiles. “Sam told them, ‘Only one adult is allowed: Jesus. He’s the father of us all.’”

Below the rear of the chapel on an island in the middle of a pond stands a tiny, fairy tale house. A stone bridge connects the island to the shore. Sam built it for his children, but no one goes there anymore. Snakes have made it their home.

On the other side, a PM angel waits outside Resurrection Cave. An empty cross stands nearby. PM closed the area to visitors because a child decided to explore the cave to find Jesus’ body and disappeared, prompting a search by local police and state troopers. He emerged four hours later unharmed and empty handed.

The place makes me feel uncomfortable. A world absent of adults creeps me out. When I visited the second time, a friend joined me. She videotaped the place and muttered repeatedly, “The man is sick.” Perhaps those feelings are the dark experiences of our childhoods. Maybe we can’t view the world as innocent children anymore to protect the lost innocence of our childhoods.

Any parts of your innocent childhoods that you still hold onto?  Sleeping Beauty?  A favorite book?  Or, have you lost your innocence?

Booted

Yesterday, Flannista paid $752.44 for two new pair of boots.  And they weren't the kick-ass Prada boots that Flann has been coveting ever since she learned that her rocker goddess, Patti Smith, wears them.

Nope, they were boots for the front axles of Flann's 2000 Subaru Forester.  Each axle needs two pair of boots. Seems like one or two of them were leaking essential, car-moving oil -- see that drip of oil on the left? They may have been damaged from something tossed up from the road or just from being nearly a decade old.  Her "Service Advisor" (that's what his card says) from Rising Sun Motors said that the boots on the opposite side looked fairly worn, too. He counseled the following: replacing ALL the boots on both axles for $825; or replacing BOTH axles AND their accompanying boots for $695. 

"Less labor," he said, in his typically laconic way.  I repeated back to him what he said:  "You mean I can replace just the boots for $825 or replace the axles AND the boots for $695?"

"That's right," he replied.

There's something about this Service Advisor's straightforward approach that Flann really likes.  Curious to see if he had more than a two-word answer to a question, Flann asked: "If my Subaru cost about $20,000 when I bought it, how big would the cost be to replace every single part?"

"Way huge," he said.

"I hardly ever drive this car," Flann said, attempting once again to get more than a two-word response.  "Why is that bad for a car?"

"Dry rot."

Is this guy a genius or what?  I told him that I would be posting today about my car repair and would send him the link.  "Will you read it, if I email it to you?" I asked.

"Will do."